Tuesday, May 18, 2010

wanting to be wanted

It has been an odd couple of weeks, weeks that have been up and down emotion wise. Getting through Mother's Day was a big step, with all the emotions that it brought. There isn't really anything going on with our adoption front, although there is a ton going on around the blogosphere in regards to pregnancies and adoptions. It has been tough around school as well with EOG testing and the rocky road of my friend's mother's death. We are all just getting back to normal about that and I want some peace. Just about this time of year, I begin to crave quiet.

Puppy Chester came to visit and was adorable, but that's not really what this post is about. And doesn't my engagement ring look big in this photo?

I love it that summer comes and gives me a break. Teachers really do need a break from their students and I use that time to relax and get ready for another year. Some teachers spend most of their summers at school, planning and decorating, but that just isn't me. I like summertime. I like this job that has eight weeks of vacation, low paying though it might be.

And then I got a call today. My old boss at Michaels Arts and Crafts wants me to come back for the summer and fill in for an employee! How much fun is it to be wanted and personally asked to come back? I was thrilled. It's a job I already know, with people I like, where I can make a little money for the adoption or something. Yes! Awesome. It was the best feeling to be get that call and be wanted.

We all want that, right?

There are many ways we want to be wanted. We want our spouses to want us, we want our friends to want us, I want a birthmother to want us. Arrrghgh. It is a feeling deep inside. We need to be love and accepted. I wish I could let go and just be okay with people not asking me to join them or leave me behind. There are people at my current job that I wish saw more of who I am, but they don't. And I guess I have to adjust my perspective.

We had someone at church refer us to an adoption agency I'd never heard of, out in California. I went to the website, and all I found was some vague answers and lots of parent profiles. There was no fee information and the process info was detailed, but didn't answer what I wanted to know. They say their matches occur generally in less than 12 months, and offer to let you talk to parents of successful matches. I emailed the contact thing to ask a few questions and got a sort of carbon response. The fees were $25,000-35,000. Whoa. The woman said she was going to send me a packet and hopefully the answers would be in there. We'll see.

Anyway, back to the job offer, it was nice to hear a friendly voice and know that someone was thrilled I would be spending my summer with them. Liked the feeling.

Okay, tired brain. Gotta sleep now. Had too much caffeine yesterday and was up way to late.


Bailey's Leaf said...

Have you ever considered county adoption? The adoption of our daughter only cost us some parking money. Literally. It wasn't something that we were looking to have provided. Babies are available all the time. You do have to jump through some hoops and bounce balls on your nose, but it all works.

Just a thought.

I remember going through Mother's Day on the other side. So hard.

How WONDERFUL! to have an employer not only think of you, but call you and want you to come back! Awesome!

It is good to be wanted and loved!

Anonymous said...

Offering prayers of support. I've been where you are and it stinks.

We did A LOT of networking on our own for our domestic adoptions...especially our 1st. Depending on what you are open to, I'd be happy to share some of our contacts with you. (Although maybe you've already done a lot of networking...to be honest I'm relatively new to your blog and haven't read back far enough to know.)

Thinking of you....

Alison said...

You're right, it is nice to be wanted. It's nice to know that others are thinking of you.
I hope your summer is restful, but fun, too.

Kelly said...

Mother's day was always hard for me, and in some ways it still is a little. I still very much grieve that my two beautiful kids didn't grow in my belly, it just wasn't God's plan for us! But I remember where you are and it's hard.

I know you've said before you live in a pretty white community, but have you considered opening up your criteria a bit? Remember, God's not going to give you the baby you aren't supposed to have, and who knows your family could change the way your community views transratial families!?!?!? Just a thought, I hope I didn't over step.

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

nice ring! :)
your right it is nice to know that your wanted!