wanting to be wanted

It has been an odd couple of weeks, weeks that have been up and down emotion wise. Getting through Mother's Day was a big step, with all the emotions that it brought. There isn't really anything going on with our adoption front, although there is a ton going on around the blogosphere in regards to pregnancies and adoptions. It has been tough around school as well with EOG testing and the rocky road of my friend's mother's death. We are all just getting back to normal about that and I want some peace. Just about this time of year, I begin to crave quiet.

Puppy Chester came to visit and was adorable, but that's not really what this post is about. And doesn't my engagement ring look big in this photo?

I love it that summer comes and gives me a break. Teachers really do need a break from their students and I use that time to relax and get ready for another year. Some teachers spend most of their summers at school, planning and decorating, but that just isn't me. I like summertime. I like this job that has eight weeks of vacation, low paying though it might be.

And then I got a call today. My old boss at Michaels Arts and Crafts wants me to come back for the summer and fill in for an employee! How much fun is it to be wanted and personally asked to come back? I was thrilled. It's a job I already know, with people I like, where I can make a little money for the adoption or something. Yes! Awesome. It was the best feeling to be get that call and be wanted.

We all want that, right?

There are many ways we want to be wanted. We want our spouses to want us, we want our friends to want us, I want a birthmother to want us. Arrrghgh. It is a feeling deep inside. We need to be love and accepted. I wish I could let go and just be okay with people not asking me to join them or leave me behind. There are people at my current job that I wish saw more of who I am, but they don't. And I guess I have to adjust my perspective.

We had someone at church refer us to an adoption agency I'd never heard of, out in California. I went to the website, and all I found was some vague answers and lots of parent profiles. There was no fee information and the process info was detailed, but didn't answer what I wanted to know. They say their matches occur generally in less than 12 months, and offer to let you talk to parents of successful matches. I emailed the contact thing to ask a few questions and got a sort of carbon response. The fees were $25,000-35,000. Whoa. The woman said she was going to send me a packet and hopefully the answers would be in there. We'll see.

Anyway, back to the job offer, it was nice to hear a friendly voice and know that someone was thrilled I would be spending my summer with them. Liked the feeling.

Okay, tired brain. Gotta sleep now. Had too much caffeine yesterday and was up way to late.