Saturday, March 26, 2011

spring reminds me

I love this time of year and the color of the sunlight. I love that the trees are budding and it is getting warmer and spring is around the corner. I caught this sunset last night.

Right now I am surrounded by memories of two years ago. This weekend two years ago I got the call that matched us to a birth mother and baby. I remember jumping around and screeching into the phone to Charlie that we were going to have a baby girl. He brought me flowers. We went baby shopping that weekend. We register a couple weeks later. We went and met the birth mother and had lunch with her. We dreamed and planned and picked out a name.

And then, six short weeks later, it was over.

This time of year, the renewal after the cold winter, reminds me that the impossible is possible. That the dream is not dead. That my turn will come soon. That we will again be choosing names, buying clothes and telling people about our match. About our baby. Someday I will get to have a baby shower instead of be the one who plans them (which I am good at and love to do, don't get me wrong.)

Motherhood is coming, spring tells me.

PS. I prayed for all of you IFers yesterday, that all our dreams would come true in whatever manner you dream, be it adopting or conceiving.

Monday, March 21, 2011

the highs and the lows

As a woman who wants to have children, but can't have children, our adoption can always find its way into conversation. It's a safe topic for random people at church or old friends to ask about, although lately I haven't had much to say. I find that I don't mind talking about it either, much like expectant moms might like to talk about being pregnant. Most people are generally respectful of our privacy, while being interested in the process as a whole. I'm sure you've experienced this as well.

I will say that there are times when I run into people (women, mostly) who aren't sure what to say and often come up with what I like to call "Well-intentioned-but-way-off-based" comments, or WIBWOB. The wib-wob conversation goes like this:

Sissy: "Yes, we're waiting to adopt a baby, and we've been waiting for two years now."

Wib-wobber: "Well, you could have spent the last two years changing poopy diapers, just be thankful for that."

What exactly does that mean?

Does the Wib-wobber mean that my someday adopted child won't poo their diapers? And if so, where do I get this fictional child? LOL.

Is it because I can't have children that people think we should be thankful to avoid all the hard things about raising children, as if we won't someday have to live through them anyway? Hardships come with raising children, as does a loss of my selfish, independent lifestyle and the introduction of cleaning up vomit at three a.m. But there is so much love that comes with having children, whether through my womb or through adoption. Love that I don't want to miss out on, even if I do have to drive the carpool and pack lunches and be a disciplinarian. You take the highs with the lows.

All this to say that my husband's brother and his wife are currently experiencing the lows of parenting. My sweet and adorable nephew Harrison, who is three, is currently in the hospital with a dangerously low platelet count. The doctors are working on it and trying to figure out the diagnosis, but he is all bruised and bloodshot and not really enjoying the six hour blood transfusion they performed today. Craig and Crystal are doing as well as can be expected, dealing with this sudden illness, that only seemed to prevent itself over the weekend. We were planning on going up there tonight to visit, but Crystal ended up telling us to skip it because Harrison was just so irritated by the transfusion that more excitement would make it worse. And Harrison LOOOOOOOVES his Uncle Charlie and probably wouldn't have been calm, which he would need to be with a needle in his arm. So, no visit.

I hope you can take a moment to send up a prayer for Harrison, and ask the Lord to completely touch his little body and make him whole. Ask our all powerful Healer to soothe every bruise and restore every platelet. I would appreciate it more than anything!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

my very own blog award

Alena at A Little Bit of Wonderful gave me The Incredibly Sweet Blog Award. Nice, huh? I am quite incredibly sweet, right? LOL.

The rules require me to post four guilty pleasures, so here goes.

1. Shoes. Oh, shoes. Totally love shoes. And I am a tall girl, so I love flats. Sparkly ones, shiny ones, all sorts of ones. My husband has a problem with all my shoes. In fact, he often makes me give up a pair if I want to buy a new one. There is only so much room in our closet and I like shoes. In fact, all I did was pull this image off the internet, but I'm wondering where I can find the third pair from the top.

2. Jelly beans. Now, not the jellybelly ones, but the traditionally flavored ones that you can buy around Easter. CAN totally eat bags of them.

3. Harry Potter. I love the books, the movies, and the souvenirs. I have a music box and a scarf and all the movies. One day I will get to Universal Studios to the Harry Potter Wizarding World.

4. OMG, do I love a down comforter. LOVE THEM. I had one when I was single and introduced my husband to them when we got married. I love to snuggle down in one and the fact that it isn't heavy and is squishy and I can use it all year round. I am addicted. It's a problem.

I'm supposed to nominate other people, but I never do that. Sorry. If you were hoping to get yourself nominated, I'm sorry. You are totally welcome to post four guilty pleasures if you want to, and in fact, I would love to hear about your guilty pleasures. Please, share!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

valentine's roses

The roses Charlie gave me for Valentine's Day were all dried on the outside, but when I popped the bloom off the stem, the petals were still soft underneath. They smelled so good. I pulled them apart today, out on the patio and took some pictures. I love the creamy pink beauty of these roses.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

we got dumped by Foster Care

Last night we attended the first class of foster care licensing. And last class of foster care licensing.

About 45 minutes into the class, Charlie raised his hand and asked what would happen if we ended up getting a placement from our adoption agency. Would we need to stop the classes, or postpone them until the baby was older?

Bad news. The social worker told us that the we can't work with both a private adoption agency and a public foster care agency. Some state statute or something. Anyway, when there was a break we ended up leaving. There seemed to be no point.

We kind of laughed it off last night, but this morning I was really sad about it. I even cried a little bit, sitting in my cubicle. It just seemed like this would be another possibility, but the reality is we'd have to leave our agency to do it. And we don't want to do that.

So, another door closed. I guess more closed doors just means we have to be getting closer to the open one, right?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

the green-eyed monster prayer

Dear Lord,

I am jealous. Let me confess my jealousy to you and allow you to work within me.

Work within my spirit and work on those feelings. Allow me to know the contentment that comes from you.

Give me your peace and your comfort and heal my heart of these emotions.


It's short and it isn't pretty. But it is real.