Sunday, May 23, 2010

how to trust

Sometimes on Sundays, I experience an emotional confusion of sorts. Church is so wonderful and so healing to my soul, with our worship time being my favorite part some mornings. But I often find myself praising God and pleading my case at the same time, asking him to see me in my pain. Asking him for a baby, asking him not to forget me. Other times I just want to praise him, put myself completely in the center of his will. It's a war between my selfishness and my soul.

Our pastor was talking today about trusting God. His point was that when we don't tithe, we aren't trusting God with our finances and our well being. He wanted to point out that it is in the hardest times (financially) that we need to trust God the most. The point also hit close to home for me, as these past few weeks have been hard for me, and I want to trust him. I want to believe that an adoption will happen, but I have no experience to back it up. God has never given me a child before, so I don't know what it looks like to trust him for that. But I shouldn't have to know, right? I should be able to trust him completely.

After church I had a conversation with a friend about the waiting, and how difficult it had been for me. She was encouraging me that those thoughts aren't from God, that I was letting doubt creep into my heart. She prayed for me, asking God to show me how to put my thoughts into his hands. I cried, of course. I always cry when someone prays for me, it's such an emotional release.

So, along with JellyBelly and others who have found themselves in this valley of despair, I too, need to pray for trust. While I do need to honestly convey to God where my heart is, and the desperation I feel, I need to find a way to trust him. He sees me where I am. Just like the new trees we planted in the backyard last week, I need to be watered and fed so I can blossom. I need to put in the work to be able to grow in him. I want to blossom in his love and his perfect will.

So my prayer today is that I would feel the peace that comes with trusting my Lord. Pray that with me, would you?

4 comments:

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

I just want to send you a *hug* !
I pray everyday that all of us find peace and happiness in whatever it is that the Lord wants from us. But I seem to always sneak into my prayer that He wants what we want ;)

Frizzy and Bird said...

Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to you on behalf of Sissy and many other women and families like my own who are waiting for their tiny miracle and your perfect timing. There are seconds, hours, days, weeks and months that pass often without word or possibility and sometimes we feel lost or forgotten. You know the truth. You know the right time and place. You know all that must take place within us, the birthparents and that tiny little one before we can be together. Please surround Sissy and others waiting with believers who will cast all doubt away. Thank you Father for your grace. Thank you for your own sacrifice. Thank you for your unending love. In your name I pray these things. Amen

JellyBelly said...

It's a comfort to know that you are praying along with me. Trust is tough, but it seems like nothing worth wanting comes without struggle.

Praying for you!!!

Bailey's Leaf said...

It's hard when what we want isn't what is delivered. We know that what we are asking for isn't a destructive thing. We're trying to do good, and yet the door sometimes seems forever closed.

God hears you. He's gotcha. He's just doing His work in His own time.