Saturday, May 22, 2010

life goes on

Well, that was an exciting couple of days, that ultimately ended in nothing. Charlie and I were talking again about how this is such a rollercoaster, and I believe we are right about that. My emotions went from high on the possibility of a match and a baby, to the reality of the cost, to the disappointment of the choice not to proceed. All in one day. Highs and lows.

For all of us, I wish this were easier. This whole process is draining and emotional and more than we ever bargained for, really. Last year, before the adoption fell apart, I was so cocky that it had only taken us 6 months to adopt. We weren't going to be one of those couples that had to wait years for a baby. Look how wrong I was. It's been over a year since our match and this was the first real thing that has come along, only to fall apart again.

I do want to take a moment and thank all of you for your prayers and support the other day. I appreciate it very much that you were all there for me.

There isn't much more to say. Today I am getting my house cleaned up a little and grocery shopping and all those mundane things that we have to do to get through the day. Life goes on.

6 comments:

JellyBelly said...

You're right, life *does* goes on. Sometimes just the monotony of getting stuff done around the house is just what we need to remind us that we can't just wallow.

It'll happen for us, one day, it will.

Bailey's Leaf said...

I'm so sorry.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Maybe the relative quickness of your match last year was a way for God to show you you WILL be a terrific mother, and to hold on to HOPE for the wait you had ahead of you. I'm so sorry that this journey is so difficult and full of the highs and lows (I agree that it would be easier if it were just a stagnant medium.)

KT said...

:( ... chin up ... to better days ahead!

MaMaNina said...

The roller coaster ride is so hard....just when you think the ride is finally over and you can breath easy, you drop down another hill in surprise or start a slow climb to ride it again....and we don't get off the ride until we're home with our child.

Hand in there, Sissy. We almost pulled out of the China program several times while we saw our wait grow and grow from the 6 months we were expecting to a world of unknown timelines - just like domestic.

And having waiting for #2, I truly think that the wait for child #1 is so much harder. That longing to have a child is so strong and there is nothing we can do to bring it about but wait. It is the hardest thing we've ever faced as individuals or as a married couple. You will continue to grow in the Lord as well as a married couple through this journey. And you will eventually be able to share all the lessons you learned with your children.

Praying for you...

Maria in Lewis Land said...

For me, Sissy, I think of those exciting possibilities that result in "nothing" as God's way of telling us He's not forgetting about us during our log sometimes uneventful wait. It's also practice in exercising our roller coaster of emotions during our years of parenting. My prayers continue for you and Charlie.