Tuesday, December 17, 2013

coming full circle

JellyBelly posted a blog about how waiting to adopt is hard at Christmas.  She was writing about how each year the holidays come around and it is time to write Christmas cards and another year has gone by and she isn't sending cards with a cute little baby on them. 

I remember those years. 

For three years I cried every Christmas sending out those cards with only Charlie and me.  It was a simple reminder that we were still waiting.  Waiting.  Always waiting.  Living is hard in the middle of the waiting.  It consumed me at times and then the dam would burst and I would collapse in an ocean of grief.  Yup, the simple task of sending cards involved all that. 

Then, like magic somehow, Jackson was placed in our hands.  I'm sure the moment is comparable to when mothers give birth, when the doctor hands you your child.  Joy, sweet and lasting.  A heart about to burst.  A smile that stays for hours.

Now, Christmas cards include pics of that sweet boy, but are so stressful.  Having the boy is so much easier than trying to capture him on film!  The cards aren't as important as the boy, but before.... Before they were so much a symbol of what we didn't have. 

I like to compare these befores and afters.  We all know life changes, but I think it is how it changes US that matters.  Jackson has changed our cards and changed us.  I am thankful for such sweet changes. 

Just an example of our attempt at cute pics.  Epic fail.