Saturday, March 9, 2013

mommy brain

Today I felt like a mom.  An honest-to-goodness mom.  It's not that I haven't felt that way before, I have, in small moments.  Like when Jackson would fall asleep on my chest when he was little.  Or when I fed him with a spoon for the first time, or when I make decisions about what is best for him.  But today, I felt like a real mom.  I was driving in my mini-van, Jackson strapped in the carseat, looking for consignment sales. 

I love consignment sales, and I hate them at the same time.  We have some really great churches around here that have consignment sales every spring and fall.  I've been to a couple of them before, and there is one close by that we really like.  It is in the church's gym and they are super organized.  It is coming up in a couple weeks and we've been planning and making lists about what we need.  Jackson needs new pajamas and 9 month clothes and I think we need an umbrella stroller.  Now that we have a little boy who can sit up in a cart and ride in a big boy carseat, the umbrella stroller will be easier to get in and out of the van.  Right now we have a jogging stroller that Charlie uses on jogs and walks, and one of the carseat frame strollers that we can sit the infant seat in and is easy to use when we are running around town doing errands.  But, we are transitioning to the bigger carseat, we won't have the infant seat and I don't want to mess with the jogging stroller if I don't have to. 

Today I went to one church where we thought there was a sale and the parking lot was completely empty.  I texted a friend to see whether I was at the wrong place and I was, and then went to the correct church.  I was disappointed. First of all, when the building you are having the sale in has three huge steps and a curb, how do you expect moms with strollers to navigate this?  A curb is one thing, stairs is another.  I got up the steps carrying the stroller, but I would not have been able to do that if Jackson were heavier or I had a larger stroller.  Inside there was not a big selection of clothes, which was what I was looking for, and the aisles were very narrow. 

I left quickly. 

I ended up at Target, where I promptly thought I misplaced my cellphone and so I searched the store all over for it before finding it in my back pocket.  My back pocket.  I never put it in my back pocket but I did today because I didn't have the hook to hang my purse off the handle of the cart so I put it in the big section of the cart.  My phone kept beeping and getting it out of the cart was a hassle so I slipped it in my back pocket and forgot it was there. 

It was my first cast of mommy brain. 

On another note, thanks for the information about your finalizations.  I do know it takes a long time for many adoptions to go through, but I think I am mostly just frustrated with our lawyer and how they don't contact us---they just BILL us.  I don't like that.  Not at all. 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

taking forever

Let me just say that our adoption finalization is taking forever.  Well, it seems like forever, but Jackson is only 7 months old and that really isn't that long.  I just know that others of you out there have finalized adoptions in less time than that and it just seems so frustrating. 

Here are the things that I am frustrated about:
  • We had to have a TPR done for the father, and while that process isn't that complicated, it is more complicated than we thought.  They just had the hearing on TPR a couple weeks ago and we are now free and clear.  
  • Our lawyer is very busy and not really that interested in us.  I mean, he came recommended by our agency and has done great work for them before, but now isn't so awesome.  We met him once, to sign papers and hand over a retainer, but since then I think he has emailed us twice, but billed us FOUR TIMES.  Even when the TPR hearing was over, they didn't even call us to let us know.  They emailed us.  We won't use him again.
  • The lawyer fees are ridiculous.  It is going to cost us almost half the cost of the agency fees to finalize the thing.  Think of it this way...our agency worked with us for three and a half years and the lawyer is going to work with us for eight months and get half of what we paid them!?  I don't like it.  
  • The birth certificate:  Am I alone in not liking that they will completely erase the birth mother's name and put in mine?  I don't want to erase her.  And I know I'm not supposed to know her last name and such, but I wish they could just put in her first name and leave it at that.  We aren't hiding the adoption from Jackson and so I don't know why the birth certificate has to have my name.  
  •  The court appearance:  In NC, the adoption agency can appear for the adoptive parents and since our agency is several hours away, and the court is where the agency is, it makes the most sense for us to let them handle it.  I must admit, though, that I kind of wanted the pictures with the judge like I've seen many of you have. 
We've been living our life and loving our boy, but we want this thing finalized.  I don't know how we'll celebrate it, but I know I want to do something.

What kinds of things did you to do celebrate?