Saturday, October 30, 2010

pumpkin time!

This year we went to a local Methodist church and picked out a pumpkin. Normally we go for a squat, short pumpkin, but this year we went for a tall pumpkin. It was very heavy! Very.

The deal was that I was cleaned out the inside and Charlie would design and carve the pumpkin. I did it last year, while Charlie played video games.

The pumpkin really was heavy and Charlie thought it would be lighter when the guts were cleaned out. It wasn't.

Phil and Bethany had a really nice pumpkin too! They carved two really big eyes into their pumpkin.

Charlie carved a smiley vampire pumpkin. It turned out really cute. The candle kept blowing out because the mouth is so big, so we're going to get a battery powered light for it so we can put it on the porch.

A fine time was had by all!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

good hair day

This was the day of the picnic and the weather and hair combined for a great day.

When this happens, it has to be photographed and shared for all.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

birthday picnic

Last Saturday we held a birthday picnic for my mother-in-law Judy. It was a fun afternoon and the weather was wonderful. Christal made the cake and it was beautiful. The whole afternoon was a great time with everyone and there were so many laughs, only a few meltdowns and cake crumbs cleaned up by my dog. And spilled juice cleaned up by my dog. She never had such a fun time.

There was patient waiting for cake.

There was cousin helping cousin with a craft activity. Actually, this was after the put the craft together and they decided to take one apart and decorate themselves with it.

There was swinging.

And there was a hot pink iPod for Judy. Happy Birthday!

Monday, October 25, 2010

new growth

These are the first blades of grass that we planted several weeks ago. Our backyard is very patchy, and Charlie and a friend sprinkled new grass seed and ran that thing over it that digs the holes, whatever it is called. An aerator? I don't know.

They are lovely and green and it is new growth in a time that the rest of nature is preparing to sleep. Pretty cool, huh? I'm sure there's a metaphor in there somewhere.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

vacation options, with pictures

Just thought I would provide some images to go with the question I asked last week. So many of you said mountains and city, but here are some actual places. Look, and vote in the comments.

A. Lovely (and expensive, I'm sure) mountain cabin.

B. Spa like setting.

C. City view

D. Tahitian over-water villa.

E. Bed and breakfast.

I also just found out that my favorite bed and breakfast has closed down. I'm so sad about it. The woman decided to sell the inn and isn't running it anymore. SO SAD. I'm going to have to find some where else to stay.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


My birthday is coming up in November and I was thinking that what I would like is an overnight stay at a hotel with my honey. Yes. Doesn't that sound wonderful? To get away from your life, your dirty dishes, the barking dogs, the laundry, etc.

Don't you just want to unplug?

If you could get away from your daily grind for the weekend, where would you go/do?

Saturday, October 16, 2010

on being a girl

After our social worker left today (more on home study update later) I wanted a some girly time and so I headed to the nearest makeup store, Ulta. I needed some hair junk and some face powder, but that was really an excuse to buy sale cosmetics that were more fun. I also made an appointment to get my hair cut and highlighted on Halloween.

I happen to love the way that the Ulta name is stamped into the eyeshadow. I really, really loved it. I loved it so much that I came home and took pictures of it out in the sunlight. I loved my sparkly lip gloss and my cool new trendy bluegreen nail polish.

See, isn't this the prettiest purple eyeshadow for a smokey eye you've ever seen? Don't you just think the letters stamped into it are wonderful? I guess I'm just all about the aesthetics.

Lovely nail polish. Lovely.

This is when I like being a girl. Clothes may not always fit, but makeup is always friendly and fits.

So, now I am going to watch a movie and paint my nails and relax before Charlie and I babysit our nephew this evening.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

sharp edges

This is a time of jagged edges in my life. The path is not straight. The road is too winding. The trail is uphill.

I'm down in the valley. I'm searching for water.

Do I need anymore metaphors?

Here is the tricky thing about blogs when you are in a bad mood: people with good news only make you feel even more crabby!

Caveat: this is my bad mood and no reflection on your good news.

I wish that my heart was lifted every time I read about someone who finds out they are pregnant or gets "the call" about a baby to adopt. And sometimes it does. But in this season of job loss and adoption home study update, I feel like everyone around me is living a blessed life and I am missing out.

And I know some of the women who get pregnant or adopt babies have been waiting just as long or longer than me, and I know that there are women who will still be waiting AFTER our baby comes along. It's just part of what adoption blogging is...the befores become afters, eventually. And I know that just because I lost my job, and many of the people I worked with have suddenly forgotten me, it isn't really a reflection on me. I wish I had good news.

Oh, I guess I looks like my temp job will become full time soon.

And see? I'm not celebrating it the way I should. Because it isn't the thing I want to celebrate. I want to have a baby in my nursery and a carseat in my car. Or a minivan in my driveway.

I'm in a bad mood.

Sharp edges around here.

And I bite my lip every time I read a blog with adoptive parents waiting for a baby to be born and crossing their fingers that the birthmother will sign the papers. Because I have only had it fall through. I know, one day, when I am here hold my baby, I might be able to offer more comfort to those women, but all I can say is "give it to God and let him handle it."

Sharp edges.

This blog isn't graceful right now, but it is real. This is where I'm at and who I am and in the midst of this season of sharp edges, I'll keep pushing on and muddling through.


Sunday, October 10, 2010

i love fall

I really do like autumn. I like the way that the air cools off, and the way the colors of the leaves are a great contrast to all the green of spring and summer. I love the shapes of the leaves and the way a great wind and the corner of a building can make that whole "Pocahontas" leaf swirl happen. I love the way the sun warms up everything during the day and how the sunset is so dramatic.

I love apple cider and pumpkin pie (with cool whip, of course). I love my birthday, which is in November. I even love this pretend song I made up about turkeys that I sing every Thanksgiving ( Charlie does NOT love the song, btw.)

I love to decorate for fall and Christmas. It's a problem, since I still work part-time at Michaels, and am in the arms of temptation every time I work. Yes, I get a discount, but I don't want to spend my whole paycheck there. I love all the sparkly, jeweled fruits and garlands and leaves and pumpkins. And the store has a curious mix of potpourri and silk flowers that I love. It's smell that I can totally identify with and love.

What do you love about fall?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

making the headaches go away

Headaches have been part of my life since I was a teenager. Around the time my hormones kicked in, the headaches started. Migraines, actually. Throbbing, pounding, behind the eyes headaches. Headaches that make me want to crawl into a hole and lay in the dark and put an ice pack on my head and close out the world.

My dad was a chiropractor and neck adjustments helped immensely. Our family wasn't big on pills and I only rarely took something for my headaches, until I went to college and my dad wasn't available. When he passed away, there went my headache management. During college and after, I just suffered through it. One night, my junior year, it was so bad I had someone take me to the ER. Ugh. Pain in your head isn't something you can escape. It stays with you, it surrounds you.

When I started teaching, one of my students was the daughter of a chiropractor, so I started seeing him and it was great. He adjusted like my dad and was soft spoken and kind.

But we moved and it was a 45 minute drive to see him and so I tried to find another chiropractor. I made a bad choice and saw a guy that was a crook, telling me all sorts of lies about my insurance company. So I didn't really know what to do, but the headaches came back.

I finally saw someone else today. A nice chiropractor who adjusted my neck and made me feel better.

But I got in the car and cried. I called Charlie and told him my appointment went well, and then I cried some more.

He wasn't my dad.

My dad wasn't perfect. My mom could certainly tell you some stories, but he was a great dad and a great chiropractor. He took care of me and made me feel better and rocked me in his lap up until the month before he died. He had a huge heart and loved people. And I know I have told you all of this before, but I was thinking today about how I wasn't there when he died.

I went to college in North Carolina and my parents lived in Florida. I went home in October for fall break and my dad and I had a great weekend. He was in great spirits and was feeling pretty good, and we had some really special moments. We talked and shared and rocked and cried. After I went back to school, he went back into the hospital and we said our goodbyes over the phone. They weren't sure how long the downward spiral would take, and I was a junior in college. He didn't want me to come until it was over. My brothers both visited and stayed with my parents and each had time, and I guess I did too earlier that month. He came home from the hospital and was pretty much out of it for several days, sleeping in a hospital bed in the guest room.

My mom called me on a Monday night and said he wouldn't make it the night. I told her to call no matter what time he left us. By the next morning, she still hadn't called, so I called home. She said he was still hanging on. I told her to go in there and tell him it was time to go home. That he could let go because we would all be okay. He had taken care of us long enough. She called back 20 minutes later...he had gone home.

I think about him when I am at the chiropractor. I think about him when I have car problems. I think about him when I make his special spaghetti recipe. I think about him a lot.

I know that he kept me away out of love. He didn't want me to see him like that, and I appreciate it. I probably wouldn't have handled it well, and I'm sure I would see it over and over again in my memories. The memories I have are happy ones. And my mom has told me the story of sitting with him when he died and it is very emotional.

I guess the point of this is that there are times when the memories just sneak in and get me. I'll be walking along and not thinking about it and then he'll be with me and sometimes it is wonderful and sometimes it is painful. When I watch other people waiting for their parents to die, I grieve for what I know they are about to go through.

This time of year brings those memories about more, since he died on Veteran's Day and it is coming soon. I think about it, dream about him, and miss him. He isn't here for the things I wish he were here for.

He isn't here to make the headaches go away.