from my perspective

Well, the third baby boy was born early this morning! My friend Mandy gave birth to her first son, Elijah Glenn, at 4:41am. Charlie and I are so excited for our friends. It's a blessing for them, and they had trouble getting pregnant as well, so it's all good.

I don't know how you react to babies being around you. I'm normally okay with it. There used to be blogs that I read that were full of this cold bitterness directed towards pregnant women. Women who would get mad, angry and furious if someone shared that they were pregnant. It was like "how dare she?" get pregnant when I can't.

I don't have that view.

I don't see it like that.

What I know is that creating a family is easy for some and hard for others. What I know is that it's the luck of the draw. It's random.

I can't control my ovaries any more than the next girl. I mean, seriously, why should I be offended because a friend had a baby? Other people have just as much right to have babies as I do, and they shouldn't wait or hold off because my feelings might get hurt. My husband needs to be careful of my feelings, but I don't expect a casual friend at church to worry about it, or a coworker. The world doesn't stop because I am infertile.

Here's what I expect:

• If you know me well, and love me, then take care letting me know about your pregnancy. Take me aside and tell me privately, or send me an email or tell me over the phone. Don't let me find out in some big crowd.

Um, that's it. I fully understand that pregnant women have a right to be happy about their pregnancies, their nurseries, their registries, their new carseats, diaper bags, bottles and baby showers. It's what we do in this country. We celebrate babies. Why should anyone have to hold in their joy? I do not want people to have to tiptoe around me. Sheesh.

I know my view is probably different than other IF women, and I respect what you may feel. They are your feelings. But God gave me a gift when he gave me this viewpoint: freedom. I am free to be happy about these births and babies and showers and all the trappings that come with it. He unwrapped this gift in my heart and has let it stay there. Yes, I still long for a child of my own, but until then I will cuddle up on these babies and shower them with attention.

It might be that you are sitting there reading this and wondering what I am smoking, and I get that. But ask yourself if being bitter is getting you anywhere. Do you feel better when people shy away from you or don't talk to you because they are afraid of your reaction? I don't. That makes me feel more nervous because I don't want to be avoided. Being open allows me to take part in the fun, and don't you want be included in the fun?

This might be too much to ask some of you, maybe those of you who have experienced a baby loss or miscarriage. I haven't ever been there, and so my perspective might be different from yours if that is the case. It may be more painful for you than I can realize, and if so, please know I don't mean to be disrespectful of that loss. I just know that I asked God to work in my heart and I think that anyone can ask the same.

Back to those blogs I read, the bitter ones. I gave some comments, encouraging the women to let some of the anger go, but eventually I stopped reading. My time out in blogland needs to be spent with women that are hopeful, like me. Yes, we all struggle. I do. If you look back a couple of posts, you'll see me struggling with the WHEN, and the COSTS. Adoption is overwhelming at times and we've all been there. But I don't want to introduce anymore anger into the situation, so I back off those blogs that are all anger all the time. Those blogs are a place for women to vent, but I don't need to take it in.

And, if I offended you, I'm sorry.