Sunday, February 28, 2010

more baby stories to share

Well, that last post seemed to touch a lot of people. I got more comments that I think I ever have, except for the day the adoption fell through (that was a big one.) I like to think that blogs give us a place to be ourselves, and let it hang out, but I am still somewhat careful at times of what I write, like I have to apologize for what I am feeling at the moment. I shouldn't have to be so careful, but I don't want to offend anyone, and who really wants nasty comments?

After reading the comments, here is what I think about all of us lovely women: sometimes we get it right, and sometimes we don't. We're not perfect all the time, and that is completely okay. I don't expect that of myself and certainly not of you. And that saying goes for our friends as well; they don't get it right all the time either.

Now, I'm not excusing any purposefully bad behavior on someone's part, and I know we've all had moments where someone has hurt us. It happens. People are selfish and unthinking. But let's face it, IF is nothing if not emotional. The hormones, the drugs, the charting, the appointments and waiting rooms filled with pregnant women, the sex on demand. It all toys with our emotions, and it makes us a tad more sensitive than we would naturally be when someone announces their pregnancy. I'm sure that plays into a lot of our reactions. It did mine.

(Side funny: Once at the OBGYN, I looked around and had the sudden urge to ask them all if anyone was planning to give up their baby for adoption!!! Didn't do it, of course.)

What I know is that I command my tongue and that I need to have my heart in the right place. My day will come. And if it doesn't, then I pray God comforts me at that time.

Yesterday, I did what many would say is crazy for an IFer. I threw a baby shower for my dear friend Laura. It was so much fun. We had a ball. Her family lives many states away and shipped all her gifts to me, so we kept pulling out present after present after present. It was such a wonderful afternoon filled with love. I know she had fun and it took two cars to pack up all her gifts! Then after the shower, my husband and I went up to the hospital to meet new baby Eli, the son of our friends Brandon and Mandy.

Isn't this outfit totally cute? Laura was so blessed by all the gifts.

I know that these would be difficult tasks for many of you, and I will admit that I had one little twinge of envy and then it was gone. Again, I credit that to our Lord, who continues to bloom in me a spirit of joy. He has given me the heart to be able to celebrate with others while I wait. He whispers that it will be okay. He gives me a song to sing.

The pic is blurry, Charlie was in charge of the camera at this point. Eli, on the other hand, is adorable.

But, I love hearing your thoughts and your experiences. I only have my couple of real IF friends to talk to about this, and they already have children at this point. Your successes add to my joy and your struggles go on my prayer list. Plus, we all have such a different story, and IF doesn't touch us all exactly the same. Keep sharing with me the happy and the sad, I can take it.

And, I dare you, share it with God as well. He can take it.


LenaBug said...

This post encouraged me - thank you *hugs* Only one of my friends has lived close enough to me to actually be in a possition to throw her a shower, and it was my sister in law. I actually planned to do one, but then three other people did it first (in two different states - wow), and then I had to do it AFTER the birth (which would have been fine, except it would have been Christmas week - eek), and about the time she suddenly started telling me all the reasons I should be GLAD I can't get pregnant right now (with her cute baby belly staring at me, smuggly), I gave up. I would have gone to the trouble of throwing her a shower, even during an inconvenient time and with little money, but I just couldn't do it after all those comments. I felt guilty about it right up until the day the shower was supposed to happen: she invited me to help her bathe me new little neice (fun!), and then told me - totally out of the clear blue sky - that she and her husband had decided they weren't willing to be surrogates for us, ever. ... We'd never even mentioned it, about them or anyone, but she seemed to feel the need to tell me for some reason. I went home and cried - not because I was disappointed (can you imagine using a surrogate who thinks you're lucky to be IF???), but because I was crushed that in her world I wasn't even allowed the dignity of SHUT THE HECK UP and feeling my own feelings. I have to conform to HER world, of I'm somehow wrong. All the while, she's holding the most adorable accidental baby EVER, and I'm somehow wrong for wanting to be a mother.

I'm sorry...that was kinda...angry. I'm not angry (just hurt). I hope someday that I'll get to host a baby shower for a friend. You're very inspiring :)

Laurie said...

I love the term "Ifer"... so fitting! And good for you in loving your friend despite your broken heart. I too was the doting yet hurting hostess of many a shower. Sometimes sacrificial love is what is called for because we love on people despite our own desires. Well done!

WheelbarrowRider said...

You are a good friend! I think your blog is the best place for you to say whatever you need to! :)

Ann - Building a Nest said...

You are a wonderful friend!

I have to admit, my only hesitation about hosting a shower would be because I am not a great host/party-thrower. Seriously, the Martha Stewart gene does not live in me. Your friend is blessed to have you!

Rachel said...

re: your wanting to ask them women in the OB's office about adoption...

EVERY time my husband hears someone is pregnant with twins, he says, "Can we have one?"

Ha ha ha - makes being IF a little funnier!