it's been a year

It's been just over a year since we were matched. Sigh. It seems like just yesterday I was getting that call and so excited about it. Now I just sit and hope and wait and pray.

I don't always have the best attitude about waiting, as I think I've shared before. It just weighs on my heart and mind. I guess I just thought that something else would have happened by now, but no. And I don't know what to say to people about it. People that know us in real life are usually pretty up to date...they haven't missed anything on Facebook or whatever. And Charlie about announced it from the rooftops last time, so if he isn't saying anything, they have to know nothing is going on.

It's the random people that are hardest to deal with...the people that only know a little bit about me and ask questions. Like, "how's the adoption stuff going?" I know they mean well, but I don't have anything to say about it other than, "we're still waiting." I think you all identify more with it than just acquaintances do.

But, if you've been reading the blog, you know I have a book that I've written that I want to get published and my husband was asking me why I was hemming and hawing and not putting it out there. Here's the answer: DO I NEED ANY MORE REJECTION? Uhhh, NO! I did not want to deal with the fact that someone else is going to close a door in my face and tell me that I can't do something/have something/live out this dream. That did not sound appealing.

Ultimately, I chose to bite the bullet and begin sending it out to literary agents, and I did get one rejection already. I didn't cry, so that was a step in the right direction. But, there were two reasons I decided to start trying to get an agent/book sold. One, unless I send it out there, it can never get published (yes, I could do it myself, but my money is going elsewhere.) Two, if it really did get published and more than 10 people bought it, I could make money from it and potentially be able to adopt more children. Our child might be a one and only if we don't make more money at some point. If I could be a modestly successful writer, it would help.

Editing the writing gives me something else to focus on, which is good. So if you've read the chapters, please comment so I can keep working on it. Thanks to those who have so far.

spring has sprung

So I tried out the new posting edit options and hated it. I tried to post these pictures and write in between them and still can't figure it out. Normally I would pop into the html page and just insert the spaces, but the new options just wouldn't let me. I finally went and switched back. They've just got too many bugs in the new options that are hard to work with...and uploading photos is awful. You upload your chosen photos and then have to go back and choose them again to have them be put in the post. Of course, some of you may be using the new options and loving them, or may not even have ever used the old options. Maybe you can help me.

The top photo is my blooming hydrangea. The second photo is just a cute one of Lucy peeking out all cuddled up on the couch. The bottom two are the old roof and the new roof being put on. It's been raining here so much that I haven't gotten a new pic of the completed roof, so I'll post that once I get it. We should also have new shutters soon, so our house will have a whole new look.

I've also been sick this weekend. I started Saturday morning throwing up and it was not my best day. I vomited so hard that I burst some blood vessels underneath my eyes, leaving little red freckles behind. Luckily with my glasses, you can't notice them much, but I was startled to see them. I spent Saturday in bed, sipping Gatorade and sleeping. Ginger ale and more sleep. Interrupted by trips to the bathroom. It was a horrible day. Sunday was better, and today I actually took a shower and left the house, if only for a few minutes.

I know this post is totally random, so please excuse that. I also want to say thank you for those of you who signed up to read my novel chapters. If anyone still wants access to that private blog, send me an email at sissyreads@gmail.com.

a big favor to ask...

There isn't anything going on around here. Unless you count the major yard work that my husband is in the midst of, or the computer project I'm working on at my job, or the painting I'm planning on doing in the house. It is spring break, and I am totally enjoying the prospect of a little vacation, sleeping in and painting my kitchen. Mom's giving me a pedicure for Easter and I'm thrilled about that.

This photo is from our trip last year to New York...we stopped in Philadelphia. I just thought a photo makes a post more fun.

Here's something else I want to talk about. Or, ask about, rather. If you didn't read my other blog much (or didn't even know I had another blog) you may have missed that I wrote a book over the last year. A YA fiction book. It has not been published but I am hoping that maybe in the near future it might be. Would any of you be interested in reading some of it and giving me your thoughts? I was thinking I might create a private blog for those that might be interested, and post some of the chapters online. I feel like I need some more feedback before I send it out places.

If you liked Twilight, I think you might like this. No vampires or anything, but a paranormal romance, as they call it in the BIZ. Whatever. If you didn't like Twilight, then you might try it anyway and give me your feedback. (And no, Mom, I'm still not ready for you to read it. ) :)

Would you comment and let me know if you are interested in reading any of it? That will give me some idea if I really should go ahead and create another page. Let me know!

I meant to show you...

A couple of weeks ago when shopping for a baby shower present at TJ Maxx, we stumbled upon the toy section and found this Harry Potter music box. It plays the movie theme and is a really beautiful tune.

Maybe I haven't mentioned how much I love Harry Potter?

It's the scene where they talk to Sirius Black in the fire. Pushing a button on the back makes the fire light up.

I took it to school and placed it in the library and showed it to my kids, who absolutely loved it. They asked me to play the music over and over. They hadn't really ever seen a music box before and thought that it had a "play" button. I showed them the thing you turn to make it work and explained how they work. It's an abstract concept if you've never seen before.

Go Gryffindor!

It is really hard to see the faces from any angle, but if I held it the right way I could snap this picture of Harry's face.

It has been a very, very busy couple of weeks. Spring break is coming up next week and I will finally have a little time to breathe. I've been working hard on getting a project done for work and it's been consuming my time. But I need a vacation and I am so glad this one is coming.

Pedicure, here I come.

phoebe went to church

Our children's church has been doing a series of lessons based on how dogs behave. They have brought in 10 or 11 dogs, and Phoebe was this week's star. Her lesson was on making choices and following directions and the woman (April) was talking using the theme of dog sledding since Phoebe is part Husky. This picture below is from the area where the k-2 kids meet. At first we thought that I would do it, since Charlie is normally busy on Sundays with all his duties, but Phoebe is so strong and surrounded by kids we thought it would be better if Charlie handled her.

After her first lesson, we took her around to the younger kids, who wanted to pet her. She immediately rolled over and was completely happy to have extra love and attention. Normally, she would also lick, lick, lick everyone, but Charlie managed to keep her head away from the kids.

They asked all sorts of questions about what kind of dog she is and her birthday and what does she like to eat. I was calling out the answers from the back since Charlie didn't seem to be able to remember them!

We were really happy with how she did, and how little jumping she did on people. Sometimes she is really excited to see new people and not very well behaved. I'm glad the kids liked her and impressed that she was calm. We kept telling her that she was going to go to church and get some religion!

i took some baby pictures

So I shared the other day that I am really into photography and am loving my new camera. Well, I guess it's not new, since I've had it almost a year. But I still think of it like that.

Anyway, my friend Mandy had a little over two weeks ago and I told her I wanted to come and do some newborn shots of Eli. We also brought Mandy and her husband Brandon some dinner at the same time. I brought a few props along with me and Mandy had a couple of her own things own, so we pulled a table up to the window and stripped Eli down to his diaper. I must have taken about 100 or so pictures. and little Eli was such a trouper.

We took some shots with this bear pretending to be a bunny in anticipation of Easter.

Hands and feet, how cute!

With his bear hooded towel.

We got a couple of little smiles from him, although I guess he might be too young for that.

With the hooded towel again. Isn't he the most adorable thing? He was such a good model and was in good spirits the whole time. I think these pictures turned out really well, and was proud of the result. It only gives me more practice for when I bring home a baby, and can take pictures for me!

glimpses of home

This is the truth. The total and absolute truth.

I imported the chocolate. I opened the chocolate. I photographed the chocolate. I ate the chocolate.

It did not last long.

It's been that kind of week.

(linked up with Emily's Glimpses of Home)

And no, I have no info about the situation. It'll take awhile to get our papers together and even submit, so I'll keep you posted if anything happens.

a maybe situation

I want to be wearing these, but the weather is not quite there yet. My toes aren't ready yet either! I usually start March with a pedicure, with a gift card given to me my husband on Valentine's Day. But this Valentine's Day, I got the new pots and pans and so I didn't get the pedicure gift card. I really need one, but haven't budgeted the money to do it yet, and I'm very bad at painting them myself.

In other news, I saw an adoption situation online and it sounded like a good fit, so I sent in the registration form that is required in order to be presented to the birth mother. It isn't immediate, since once they receive the form you then have to send in your homestudy, and five copies of your birth mother letter before they will present you. It might be too late for the current situation we are interested in, but this agency regularly updates its situation lists.

My husband asked me why I hadn't registered with them before and I told him that for a couple of months I was really antsy and anxious about the adoption wait, and hadn't wanted to talk with him about it. It seems silly now, but I needed to calm myself down, otherwise I would have been calling and talking to agencies all over the place, getting my hopes up and being let down.

Nothing may come of this, but keep us in your prayers that this referral/adoption agency will see something in us and want to work with us! I would hope that we can at least continue to get our profiles out there and noticed by more birth mothers.

Maybe my flipflops days will be coming soon. It's raining now, and chilly, but someday the sun will come out, my toes will be painted and I'll be sitting on my back patio reading a book. Heaven.

a peek inside

I love to take pictures. One of the best gifts I have ever received is my Nikon D80, a hunk of a digital camera. Charlie bought it for me last year for mother's day, knowing I would want to take pictures of the baby we thought we were getting. It was one of the best and worst days, best and worst gifts. I wanted the camera so much, not more than I wanted the baby, but to be able to record the moments of her growing.

When the adoption fell through, I didn't touch the camera for several weeks. It was like this object attached to the baby, this gift I got in anticipation of the baby, and I had no baby. It reminded me of her and it was still painful. I finally picked it up and started taking pictures. I started in my yard.

I played around and captured little moments in our backyard. I don't even know what these purple berries are, but I love this picture.

And while I am not really an outdoorsy person, I love greenery and flowers and I like capturing the color around me.


The camera is now one of my best friends. I'm still working on taking pictures of people, capturing who they are, and how to show them in their best light. I like to record celebrations, birthdays, my puppies and things in my house. I'm learning.

It's nice that it's not tainted by the memories any more. In fact, I'm glad I've had it so that I can learn how to best use it by the time we do get a baby. Hopefully, I will be able to take wonderful pictures of our future child.

Hope you enjoy. Spring is beautiful around here, so expect lots of flowers coming soon!

up all night

I am so very tired. So, so, so very tired and run down. It has nothing to do with adoption, but my weekend activities.

On Friday night I hosted our third annual Read-a-Thon for second and third graders at my school. They read and collect money for three weeks and then we have a celebration where they get to spend the night at school and play games, party it up and watch a movie. It's fun. For them.

I am tired. I don't stay awake all night very often. Well, ever.

Normally I get a couple hours of sleep, but this year our party caught the attention of the local fire marshal and he paid me a visit on Thursday. Evidently, when you sleep in a place that isn't designed for you to sleep, you must have permission from the fire marshal. He told me that according to law, two people must stay awake the entire night.

Okay. Right.

So instead of laying down around 1 am like I normally do, the other moms and I stayed up talking til about 3 am. Then they went and lie down, while I did email and read some of my book, listened to people snore, and kept myself awake all night. Fun.

Of course, it might not have been so bad if I wasn't already sick. I have been fighting off a cold all week and was home sick one day. I knew I had to suck it up and get through it, but man, when I drove home I was feeling bone tired. I ate breakfast and climbed into bed. I slept for about 5 hours and then got back up. The husband made dinner and I managed to watch a couple of episodes of Bones on DVD then took some nighttime cold medicine and crawled back into bed. Slept until 10 this morning, and stayed home from church. I am all stuffed up and full of snot. Ugh.

I'm going to take a nap.

not about me

You might have noticed that my posts of late are not as sad as they were a couple of weeks ago, and that isn't due to any earth shattering news, but due to our Lenten Prayer Buddies.

How do you stop worrying about yourself? You start praying for someone else.

It really works. I hope it's working for you.

I guess the thing is this: we all get so mired in what's happening with us. We stick our heads underground and pretend we don't see the world around us. We pray, asking the Lord to take away our pain, to bring us fertility, to bring us babies. We cry and whine, stomp and say angry things. It's little sheltered corner of the world, our little box of nothing.

But then someone comes along and asks you to pray and focus on someone else. To bring them into focus and make them the center of your prayers. I forget about me, me, me and pray for her. I think about her pain, her hurts, her wishes and desires. Yes, they are similar to mine, but my prayers aren't about me.

I like this concept. I love that it's making me a less selfish person. That's not to say that I won't have more depressed moments, because I know I will. Life is just like that. We all have our ups and downs, and I like that I can share them here. I just know that Prayer Buddies has meant something to me, and I hope it's blooming something in you as well.

Give me your thoughts on it. Share with me what it is doing in your life.

an award for me!!

It is Tuesday and I am home sick. I've had the beginnings of the cold for several days and now it is in full bloom. I woke up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe, with my throat full of gunk and a throbbing head. Ow.

I took some medicine and hoped morning would bring me a brighter day. It did not.

So here I sit in my pajamas, reading all your blogs and commenting and watching it snow outside. The weather here is certainly unpredictable, but I do love snow.

I have loved all the comments I have received over the past couple of days, and am so impressed by those of you who admitted that you used to be angry, but have worked your way out of it. It takes work to let it go and move on.

On another note, I was given an award by E at Waiting for Baby. It's the beautiful blogger award.



Thanks so much, E! It's nice to be recognized for my small little corner of the world.

Okay, so there are rules, but I'm not big on rules, so I am throwing caution to the wind and ignoring most of them and just posting 7 random things about myself for your entertainment.

1. I was born in Iowa, moved to Alaska, then to Florida and then to North Carolina. Yes, I've lived all around the country.
2. I'm addicted to the big boxes of Nerds, and will eat them until my tongue goes fuzzy.
3. I got kicked out of ballet class when I was five, mostly for refusing to dance and standing in the corner picking my nose. Totally regret that, by the way.
4. I can't stand to watch those ASPCA commercials on tv. I start crying every time. I would give all my money if I could actually make it through the whole thing.
5. I love figure skating and have met both Dorothy Hamill and Michelle Kwan.
   
6. I hate being cold, and usually have a sweater with me at all times.
7. If I could afford to live in NYC in an apartment that was bigger than a breadbox and overlooked the park I would totally move there and soak it up. My husband and I visited there this summer and fell in love with the town. I would not, however, want to have to live there and make do with 500 square feet of space.
8. Yes, I watch the Bachelor.
   

Okay, there are my seven, er, eight things. Hope you enjoyed learning a little about me and reading my cold medicine induced ramblings.