just waiting around

I think by now all you readers know that adoption is a rollercoaster of emotions, and if you didn't know that before you started reading about us, you know that after the last few weeks in our lives.

This picture was taken the night before we got the bad news, and I was so excited to show it then. These shoes were all given to us by a wonderful friend (hi, Cindy!) and I happily unpacked them and lined them up and matched them to the little clothes she gave us as well. I imagined all the times she would toddle down the hallway, little footsteps on the hardwood, wearing these shoes.

Now they are back in a box while we wait. We go back on the list for birthmothers to choose from if we match their requirements (for example, if they want a couple that already has kids, then our book won't be shown.) And, if we are ultimately matched with a birthmom having a boy, they will get passed on to someone else.

I have graduated from keeping the nursery door closed to now having it open partway. It doesn't hurt so much to look at all the things we planned for our daughter. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts a little bit, but it's getting better. We're moving on in small ways...our pictures will go up on the adoption website, and our book will go back in circulation for birthmoms. I can imagine getting another call telling us about a possible match. I dream about little babies.

In other news, we heard from the agency with brief news about Vanessa and the baby. She was born May 9 (several days before she called the agency) and weighed 7.5 pounds. Vanessa is already back at work and we sent her a couple of outfits that we bought with this baby in mind. The baby is named Olivia. I guess now we have some closure. Okay, okay, I did say SOME closure. It's not completely closed, but we're working on it.

For now, we wait. Sheesh.