Wednesday, May 27, 2009

just waiting around

I think by now all you readers know that adoption is a rollercoaster of emotions, and if you didn't know that before you started reading about us, you know that after the last few weeks in our lives.

This picture was taken the night before we got the bad news, and I was so excited to show it then. These shoes were all given to us by a wonderful friend (hi, Cindy!) and I happily unpacked them and lined them up and matched them to the little clothes she gave us as well. I imagined all the times she would toddle down the hallway, little footsteps on the hardwood, wearing these shoes.

Now they are back in a box while we wait. We go back on the list for birthmothers to choose from if we match their requirements (for example, if they want a couple that already has kids, then our book won't be shown.) And, if we are ultimately matched with a birthmom having a boy, they will get passed on to someone else.

I have graduated from keeping the nursery door closed to now having it open partway. It doesn't hurt so much to look at all the things we planned for our daughter. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts a little bit, but it's getting better. We're moving on in small ways...our pictures will go up on the adoption website, and our book will go back in circulation for birthmoms. I can imagine getting another call telling us about a possible match. I dream about little babies.

In other news, we heard from the agency with brief news about Vanessa and the baby. She was born May 9 (several days before she called the agency) and weighed 7.5 pounds. Vanessa is already back at work and we sent her a couple of outfits that we bought with this baby in mind. The baby is named Olivia. I guess now we have some closure. Okay, okay, I did say SOME closure. It's not completely closed, but we're working on it.

For now, we wait. Sheesh.

6 comments:

cindysto2 said...

I remember each of those pairs of shoes on Cate's feet. I pray that you will someday see them on the feet of your daughter. I'll keep praying that you and Charlie have peace in this time.

Love you!
Cindy

RB said...

I am so sorry for your recent failed match. We too experienced a failed match in December. It is difficult to move forward, but if we want to be parents, what choice do we have? Hugs.

Tracey said...

I am so so sorry...you are in my prayers.

2China4Ayla said...

I am glad you got some news about "Vanessa" and the baby. I am sure it was bittersweet, but I know I would need to know something. I still wonder about the little boy that we thought would be our son, he would now be 9 years old. I no longer feel sadness for me over that loss, I just hope that he is in the arms of people who completely adore him...as I do my 3 precious girls. I can't wait for you to be able to have that same peace and joy in your heart.

Alison said...

Ugh, waiting is SO hard.
I'm glad you've found a little bit of closure, but I know it's not easy for you.
I'll keep praying for you and hoping that God is preparing to bless you with a baby soon.

mary said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am an adoption specialist at a small non profit agency and I have been through this painful event with several of our couples...I am truely saddend. I know from keeping up with your blog that you and your husband are people of faith...and I lift you up to the Lord with all my couples in prayer often. Wait for the little soul that HE has picked out especially for you - remain patient and faithful and it will happen in time. Blessings-mary at cottonwoodcreekjournal