Back to reality

I go back to work tomorrow.  I am excited and nervous and ready and not ready all at the same time.  We have great childcare in place, so I'm not really worried about that, but I'm more worried about me.  My bladder (I have Interstitial Cystitis) has been acting up lately and I'm more stressed about that, I think.  The last couple of weeks haven't been that great, and I'm sure that the newness of having a baby hasn't made it better.  I haven't had a totally hard time adjusting, but there have been days where I haven't known what to do with Jackson.

So, tomorrow will be quite the dose of reality as I get up and leave my house and get back to my classroom.  Prayers, please. 

little toes

While life may never be completely normal again, it is getting into more of a routine, which is good for me.  Although, the routine will change once again when I go back to work Thursday of next week.  School starts on the 27th and Jackson will be 7 weeks old by then.  I didn't really want to miss the first day of school, even though I could have taken more time. 

I'm still getting used to thinking of myself as a mom.  It comes and goes.  When I'm with him, I understand it and what I'm supposed to do, but when I'm alone, I'm not obsessed by it.  I can enjoy being alone and not worry that he's okay.  I think that's good.  Yesterday I called the dentist because the filling I got two weeks ago was still sensitive and I thought it needed to be adjusted.  They asked if I could come right then.  Two months ago I would have gotten right in the car, but instead I blurted out, "We just got a baby, so I have to arrange childcare."  So I went today and my mom came and stayed with Jackson.  Would it have been appropriate for me to take him? 

He's doing well and growing and starting to have more of a personality.  He likes baths, which is good, cause I do too!  He likes his swing and his Boppy and the pacifier from the hospital. 

Ok, he's awake and crying so talk to you later!

i crashed

Last  night was my night to get up with Jackson and it didn't go well.  I fed him at 10:30 or so and crawled into bed a little after 11, but I had a headache and got up again at 11:30 to take something.  I figured Jackson would sleep until 3 or so, because that has been his pattern the last couple of days, but he woke up at 12:45 and wanted a bottle.  At that point I had slept maybe an hour. 

So I'm sitting in the rocker, feeding him the bottle and bawling my eyes out.  I was so tired.  So tired.

I know this isn't anything new to anyone with a new baby.  They get up in the middle of the night and that wasn't a surprise and it was the thing that concerned me most about adopting a newborn.  I don't cope well on little sleep and it is making me cranky, weepy and otherwise irritable.  I knew this would be a big problem when we finally got a baby, probably causing a little rift in our marriage as I get snappish with Charlie when sleep deprived. 

This morning Charlie and I were laying in bed and talking and I started crying again about how getting sleep in two to three hour increments is wearing me down little by little.  Charlie and I made a plan for me to get a little more rest and hopefully it will work. 

In other news, I was thinking today about R (our birth mother) and how we can never fully express what Jackson means to us and how we can never express as much gratitude as we want to.  We did get her a gift and sent it through the agency after gotcha day, but I would empty out my bank account again and again and still not feel like I've given her enough.  Would any of you like to share what you did for your birth mothers?  If you don't want to comment publicly, then send me an email and share.  I know each situation is very personal and not all adoptions are completely open or amicable, but I'd love to know if you want to share. 

Hope all is well with everyone out there!

getting used to the new normal

Well, Jackson is getting bigger and more adorable by the minute, don't you think?  He's starting to have more facial expressions and smile a little more, which is just too cute.  We attended a bridal shower yesterday and he was a big hit, getting passed around and loved on. 

There are still days when I can't quite believe this is all real and that I'm a mom.  It's interesting.  My husband and I talked about how blessed we are today, but then in the next moment it was just surreal.  He is a pretty good baby, with minimal fussy times, but like any baby he has his moments. He is sleeping pretty good at night, usually just getting up once or twice. 

We went to the lawyer on Friday and signed papers to begin the TPR for the birth father and talk through the process of the adoption finalization.  We were hoping to have it finalized by the end of the year, but the lawyer said probably not.  Our lawyer is about 90 minutes away, so we left Jackson at home with a sitter.  The lawyer was surprised that we didn't have him with us, but the three hours in the car for an hour meeting just didn't seem like fun for him.  He was better off at home. 

Charlie and I did have a date night last night and we went out for dinner at Applebees and we ran a couple of errands.  At the restaurant, a teenager at the table across from us knocked her steak sauce onto the floor and it flew all the way across the aisle and splattered the white sweater I had hanging off the back of my chair.  The girl felt so bad and apologized many times, and the waitress brought me napkins and seltzer water and another patron handled me a Tide pen.  Most of it came out in the wash, so I think it will be okay.  As we left the restaurant, the girl's mother took a moment to thank me for handling it graciously.  I told her I probably would have spilled something myself, no worries.  I guess I could have been mad, but accidents happen. 

There's the life update for now.  Hope you enjoyed the pics!

enjoying our boy

So life is starting to settle down and become a little more normal.  Well, I mean, it's a new normal.  I'm still getting used to having Jackson in the house, and today I heard a noise and was surprised to see him there! LOL.  I laughed at myself, thinking that he's been here almost two weeks and you'd think I'd know he was in the house.  It cracked me up. 

For the first week or so we entertained lots of visitors and our church arranged meals for us, and the last one is coming Tuesday night.  Lots of family came to meet Jackson and he slept through most of it.  Charlie went to put the balloons out on the mailbox and got half way down the driveway and then came back.  He asked me to get my camera because he wanted me to capture the moment.  I thought it was funny, but obliged him.  He's been so cute to watch through this entire thing, and he's enjoying the celebrations. 

Most of the people so that have met Jackson so far have known our story and have known he was adopted, but I finally went somewhere where there were lots of ladies who didn't know the story and all they saw was a woman with a three week old baby.  A couple of them asked me how I was recovering and it took me a moment to understand they were asking about my labor.  One asked me if I'd had a C-section and I finally confessed that he was adopted and that except for the sleep deprivation I was doing fine. 

Although, I did learn how it feels when I don't feel good and I still have to be mom.  I had a horrible headache Saturday night and Sunday morning and Jackson seemed to just want to be held. It was an interesting morning, but we made it through. 

Anyway, that's the update for now.  We are all sucked into the Olympics around here and it's nice that games are on all day while I'm cuddling and feeding Jackson and trying to get used to being a mom.  It gets easier, right?  :)

more about Jackson

So, we've had the baby for almost a week now and he's doing pretty good.  Charlie and I are getting used to having another person in the house and getting used to taking care of him.  I think learning how to change his clothes was the most awkward part.  He does not like to stretch out his arms, so getting him into the sleeves is the most challenging.  We've done pretty well switching off nights to get up and feed him and so that part hasn't been too bad.  That's the bonus of not breast feeding, I guess. 

We had our first doctor's appointment this morning and it went well.  We had no idea what to expect, but it was fine.  He's 3oz over his birth weight and they were happy with that.  Everything else went well and they gave us some cans of formula!! YAY!  People are asking us what we need and we tell them to look at our registries or to get us Target cards for formula.  Luckily, we live about three minutes from a Target so if we need anything, Charlie can just run out. 

We've had a steady stream of visitors, but today we are getting a little alone time.  I ran the dishwasher today and did a few normal housework things, like changing our sheets.  I know it will take time to establish the routine that will work for us. 

I think the thing that has been the most fun was watching Charlie put together the swing last night.  It cracked me up, and not because of Charlie's assembly skills.  I could not believe how many pieces were in the box!!  I guess most people put the things together before the baby comes, but I had to laugh at how Charlie took over the living room to assemble it and I spent time in the nursery.  The bonus is that Jackson loves it and it swings and vibrates.

Ok, some of you need to tell me how you chose baby things.  When looking at all the baby pack and plays and swings and things at Babies R Us, I kept gravitating towards the items with muted colors.  I finally realized it was because I wanted the stuff to match the rooms in our house.  Not the nursery, mind you, but the living room and our living room is a beige/gold color with rust and pale green accents.  The swing and pack and play we picked out are khaki and green and peach and does not stick out like a sore thumb.  Anyone else like that or just me?

So, that's the update for today and we'll see how much time I get over the next couple of days to share.  Again, too, I realize that some of you may stop reading now that this adoption blog will have baby pictures on it and that's alright.  I understand.  I don't think I'm going to be gushing all the time about Jackson, but we'll see. 

Hope you enjoy the pics!

More to the story

So, to fill in a little more information, we found out about the baby about two months ago, but the mom didn't want to meet us and she didn't know the sex of the baby.  We chose not to tell anyone and wait it out.  Eventually, we were told it was a girl and then we patiently waited for her to be born. 

Baby was due July 4th, but about a week before that, the birth mom, R, asked if we would come meet her at the hospital after the baby was born.  Her parents wanted to meet us also.  We were nervous, but said we would do that as long as the papers were signed. 

She didn't have the baby until the 9th, and when they called us to tell us, they said "the baby is a BOY."  I was so shocked.  Totally. 

She signed the papers the next day and we drove a couple hours to meet him and the family.  It was really a great meeting and the family was so sweet.  R had asked that we have a room where we could spend time with Jackson.  And they all loved the name we chose for him. 

We got to spend a little more time with him the next morning and with R before she was discharged.  It was a special time and we were glad to have those moments with her.  We then had a little more time with Jackson before we had to drive back home and wait out the revocation period.  Jackson went to interim care and we went home and boxed up all the pink stuff and shopped for blue stuff. 

Tuesday afternoon we spent the day registering for baby things and then we drove to the agency, signed all the papers and then the foster mom arrived and we cried and smiled and laughed and took pictures.  Then we drove home, a family of three.