Last night was my night to get up with Jackson and it didn't go well. I fed him at 10:30 or so and crawled into bed a little after 11, but I had a headache and got up again at 11:30 to take something. I figured Jackson would sleep until 3 or so, because that has been his pattern the last couple of days, but he woke up at 12:45 and wanted a bottle. At that point I had slept maybe an hour.
So I'm sitting in the rocker, feeding him the bottle and bawling my eyes out. I was so tired. So tired.
I know this isn't anything new to anyone with a new baby. They get up in the middle of the night and that wasn't a surprise and it was the thing that concerned me most about adopting a newborn. I don't cope well on little sleep and it is making me cranky, weepy and otherwise irritable. I knew this would be a big problem when we finally got a baby, probably causing a little rift in our marriage as I get snappish with Charlie when sleep deprived.
This morning Charlie and I were laying in bed and talking and I started crying again about how getting sleep in two to three hour increments is wearing me down little by little. Charlie and I made a plan for me to get a little more rest and hopefully it will work.
In other news, I was thinking today about R (our birth mother) and how we can never fully express what Jackson means to us and how we can never express as much gratitude as we want to. We did get her a gift and sent it through the agency after gotcha day, but I would empty out my bank account again and again and still not feel like I've given her enough. Would any of you like to share what you did for your birth mothers? If you don't want to comment publicly, then send me an email and share. I know each situation is very personal and not all adoptions are completely open or amicable, but I'd love to know if you want to share.
If you're reading this blog, you might already know that Charlie and I are going through the process to adopt a child. It has been a long road to this place, and infertility is not for the faint of heart. But we firmly believe that God's hand is upon us and that He preparing us for a child who needs a loving home, with people who want nothing more than to be a family. If our journey interests you, read on.