parenting classes

We have been taking a couple of parenting and adoption courses online. Our adoption agency requires several hours of education credits before you can complete your homestudy (where the social worker comes and talks to you.) We worked through two in the last week: Let's Talk Adoption and The Conspicious Family. They were both fairly informative and made you think about a couple of things.

Let's Talk Adoption
This was a course that deals with how you talk to your adopted child about being adopted. Some of it was meant for parents adopting older kids and addressed issue like how to talk to them if their parents abused them or committed crimes. Mainly, it was about keeping the lines of communication open so that your child feels like they can ask questions about their birthparents and how they came to be with you. The trend in adoption is to talk to your child as early as possible, so that there aren't any secrets about where they came from. No one has to watch what they say or worry about whether they've exposed any hidden truths. Charlie and I both feel like adoption is a blessing to us and we will share it early and often.

Conspicuous Families
This class was interesting and I think we both enjoyed it. The main theme was when you adopt a child that is a different race, it will be obvious to the world that the child is adopted, and there will be lots of questions about that fact. Some will be rude. Some will just be curious. And the course helps you work through how to answer those questions without being offended and to educate people at the same time.

For example "How much did you pay for that baby?"

Answer "We paid for the social work time and the legal fees, not for the baby itself."

It was a pretty good course and it made me think. I often ask questions of the women around me that have adopted and they are very forthcoming with the information. But I did have to ask one friend about the appropriate way to ask those questions. I mean, when you see a blond lady with an Asian daughter, it's pretty likely that she's adopted. I guess the woman could be married to an Asian man (that's possible...totally!) but usually adoption is the case. But how do I walk up and ask what adoption agency they used or what their experience was like without sounding completely uncouth? Yikes. My friend Sarah helped me realize some of the same things the course taught us, but in return. I will be the one answering the questions this time.

Lots more to learn. Lots more.

waiting again

This round of paperwork is now in the mail and will soon be in the hands of the agency. We will wait about two weeks for it to be approved, and if so, then we move on to the next round which will include getting fingerprinted and having physicals.

Pray with me while we wait.

paperwork

Round 1 of paperwork has been interesting. And kind of a learning process. In this round we had to complete a(n):

application
the CSC
financial statement
medical history form for each of us
progress report agreement
policies and procedures agreement
legal risk agreement
non-identifying summary
online parenting course form
couple participation statement for parenting courses




I already blogged about the CSC and how hard it was. The other forms weren't too bad, but some took a while to get through. The financial statement alone was 6 pages and asked about all our accounts and insurance policies and tax forms and credit cards. Both my husband and I had to work on that one, sort of tag teaming back and forth while one dug something out of the file cabinet or the other got online to check something out.

On the policy form we had to each initial in about 100 spots indicating that we understand all the specifics of the way their process works. It's a lot to read and comprehend, but I think the process is pretty straightforward. The agency just wants you to understand how they work and what you can expect as you move through the process.

We are getting ready to send it off this week and it should take about 2 weeks for them to look at all the forms. Once this round is approved, then we move on to the homestudy or PPA process, which is going to be even more complex. We will have to provide verification of all the things we just gave figures on and show them our birth certificates and marriage license.

One step at a time.

child specific checklist

This week we chose to fill out our CSC, and it took awhile. The CSC is a form that asks you a very important question:

Are you only willing to accept a healthy child? ____ yes ____no. If you select "no" please refer to pages 2 and 3.

Pages 2 and 3 are a huge graph of things, in alphabetical order, from allergies to mental retardation to whatever comes at the end of the alphabet. You have to go through each one and check that "yes, you would accept a child with that" or "no, I would not accept a child with that" or "I would consider a child with that." It's a hard checklist to go through.

If I were pregnant, I would certainly not be able to determine which of these health problems I was willing to deal with. And in reality, a doctor really won't know that an infant will have allergies or asthma or autism (they do use this checklist for all adoptions...like if we were considering adopting an older child.) It's hard to know what to say about it and how to decide what we can handle. I believe God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but in this case I guess He's given us some of the control. It's an odd place to find myself. I didn't have control over the infertility, but I can decide if I want a boy or girl.

If we were adopting an older child, some of the things to consider are quite interesting. One of the health problems to consider was "fire starter." It made me laugh to begin with, because I was picturing Drew Barrymore, but then I realized that it wouldn't be on there unless it could actually be an issue. That made me sad.

I told my husband the other day that I think this whole process will be a lesson in trusting our Lord. In placing my hopes and dreams in His hand and knowing that it will come out ok. A lesson in believing that His will for us is perfect. So Charlie and I carefully considered what we thought we could handle and finished that form.

Five more forms to go this round.

approved!

I got the email last night that our Statements of Faith were approved and we were sent Round 1 of the paperwork via email. They give you six weeks to fill it out, and I can see why...it's very involved. As I fill it out, I am sure I will share some examples, but for now I just wanted to share the news of the approval.

in the mail

We mailed off our Statements of Faith on Monday and we are waiting for their approval. I keep checking my email, in hopes that there will be a (1) in my inbox with the next set of paperwork, but it hasn't come yet. I think that this whole experience will be a lesson for me in patience. Waiting for paperwork to get there, waiting for the approval, waiting to be chosen by a birthmother, waiting for the baby to be born. Wait, wait, wait.

In the meantime, I need to enjoy these months as a wife. Hopefully, I will soon be a mother and I know that life will bring many different things. I need to be savoring this time with my husband instead of wishing the baby here already. I guess life is about being content where we are, and reaching for a little bit more. More of His grace, more of His joy, more of His love. We can all use more.

So here, I sit. Typing. Talking to you all instead of driving myself crazy with an inbox that doesn't change. It will soon.

stepping out on faith

This week I asked a lot of questions and I was asked a lot of questions. As I have shared with people that we are adopting, they are usually curious. And I can't blame them, I would be curious too. Are we doing foreign or domestic? How long will it take? Would we want a boy or girl?

And the answer right now is that we're in the paperwork stage. We have to send off our Statements of Faith and then if those are approved we get the longer, more complicated application. We are pursuing a domestic adoption, and it could take anywhere from six months to two years. We are open on the sex of the baby, but in my heart I would love a daughter. I don't know if we will be able to afford to adopt only once, or if we will get to do this again. That's all up to God.

I am learning how to digital scrapbook in preparation for the family profile book we will need to make, but we won't need that for awhile. We have to show our family, our house, some holidays and things we enjoy doing together. I think it will be fun to put together.

That's the update for now. Keep us in your prayers this holiday season. We have not asked anyone for presents, since all we really need is donations for our adoption. It costs a lot and we are stepping out on faith here.