teacher appreciation

There are many kids over the years who have written me little love notes, given me presents and brought me some Starbucks during Teacher Appreciation Week.  Now, the kids at my current school don't really know what it is and are probably too poor to buy presents anyway, but we've been making cards in Art this week for their classroom teachers.  

Anyway, the point is, this little girl, Miss Morgan, was probably the sweetest kid I ever taught and one that maybe loved me the most.  I know we aren't supposed to have favorites, but she stole my heart.  Totally and completely took my heart every day with her smile.  She would run down the hall and jump on me and tell me the best and dearest compliments.  

Now that I don't teach her anymore, I don't get to see her anymore, but she is one kid that will always stay with me.  No one has replaced her yet in my heart and I don't know that anyone except maybe my own kids someday will be able to fill me up the way she did!  

So, to little Miss Morgan, I hope you're having a great week and loving on your current teacher.  If I know you, I bet you are. 

four-wheeling

Doesn't Charlie look perfectly terrified to be on the back of this four-wheeler with me at the controls?  LOL. 

One of the other Easter weekend activities was four-wheeling.  My brother-in-law Chad brought his four-wheeler to our family celebration and although I knew my in-laws had at least 10 acres, I had never ventured out on them.  At first, when Chad took it down off the truck, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to get on it because I wasn't really dressed for it.  But then I remembered that my dad and I used to go three wheeling and ride on his motorcycle and I really liked it, so I climbed on.  At first I rode behind my sister-in-law Jessica, but then I took the handlebars and rode with Charlie.  It was really fun, albeit a little muddy. 

How often, in my strive to be proper and graceful, do I forget to have fun? 

It was a good lesson for the day!

buck-teeth and bunnies

The big hit at the annual egg hunt was these bunny teeth themed pacifier lollipops that Charlie found at the dollar store.  After a big afternoon, the kids were suddenly quiet with these in their mouths. 

Hope you all had a Happy Easter.  We had a great afternoon with lovely weather and four wheeler rides, which I was pretty sure I wasn't going to do, then I actually hopped on and four wheeled myself through some lovely mud puddles.  Unexpected fun!

This week I'm back at work and tired already this evening, so I'm off to bed.  I know this is short, but I thought you'd enjoy seeing the nephews and niece. 

erasing the doubts

Our case worker Debra and the new agency director Patience are coming for a visit tomorrow to update our home study.  This is the second time we've updated our home study and I'm anxious about it, although I don't really think anything is going to go wrong.  It is merely just paperwork and a visit, but since our old case worker, Josi, left to go back to school, we have a new one and since Josi was also the agency director, we haven't met Patience yet. We really like our agency and have always loved the people they choose, so I'm sure Patience will be warm and wonderful.  I like her name though...Patience certainly fits in the adoption world.  LOL. 

I discovered something on Sunday when our pastor was preaching.  He was talking about doubt and how when we ask for something big, we need to believe that God will provide.  Lately, I've been feeling like I should just give up hope on getting a baby and to just let God surprise me with good news, but that isn't really the correct mindset or belief.  I need to trust that God will bring us a baby, and trust that his time is the right time.  I can't doubt his plans when he has lead us this far.  Yes, it is easier to put myself in a protective bubble and prepare myself for the bad news than to constantly live on the edge of hope.  I had a breakdown during worship, just crying and calling out to God that he move in our lives and situation and bring us a child to love and raise.  There was even the sweetest baby dedication on Sunday and I can't wait until Charlie and I can dedicate our own child.  It will be such a happy day, someday. 

The photo above is of baby bedding we got years ago.  It was our "boy" bedding and we used the turquoise color as a jumping off point for the paint color.  Of course, now we've rearranged our house after we thought we were getting the twins and the paint color is more coffee brown.  If we get a girl, then we are using pink and turquoise, and if we get a boy, lime green and orange with the brown.  That's the plan, anyway.  The bedding has never been opened, so if you are interested in something like that, let me know.  I'll give you a great deal (we have the bumpers, quilt, skirt and rug).

I spent today cleaning the house, which wasn't that dirty, but I vacuumed and dusted in our bedroom, which normally doesn't get that much attention when we clean.  I also vacuumed the nursery which wasn't dirty at all, but Phoebe rolled around on the rug and there was husky fur all over.  I put out a spring arrangement in the entryway and just straightened up.  I walked on the treadmill and had lunch with my friend Mandy.  It's been a good day. 

So, prayers that all will go well tomorrow and that our agency might have any bit of good news to share with us.  I like to hear that our book is being shown, which always makes me feel good.  While I do want to get chosen, just being shown is really important.  There is no telling what might make a birth mother choose us and I don't fault anyone for choosing someone else.  The birth mothers should choose the couple that speaks to them and it is important decision.  I just like to know we're in the mix. 

Well, it is starting to thunder here and so that means my doggies are going to want their momma.  They don't like thunder and lightning, which means I'll get lots of cuddles. 

bad dream

Right now I do not feel as if I am bursting forth in glorious song, ready for spring.  I still feel a little winter in me, like I'm not ready for all the renewal that this time of year bring with it.  I had a bad dream the other night and the memory of it has stayed with me for these past few days (Mom, you may not want to read on.)

I often dream of my day, and in some of those dreams he feels real.  Like "right there beside" me real.  As if we'd never parted and all the things I want to tell him or ask him haven't been saved up, but they flow naturally.  In this dream I was coming home from a trip and he gave me a hug and was taking me to my room (now, in this dream, my parents owned a small hotel and I lived in one of the rooms.)  He hugged me and said he'd missed me and was helped me get my luggage inside the hotel room and closed the door.  We started to talk a little, and suddenly the door burst open and this thug in a black hoodie raises a gun and shoots my dad. 

Now, right about then the alarm went off for Charlie and I woke him up.  I continued to lay there, and all the memories of the dream flooded back to me and I started to bawl.  Charlie groggily asked me what was wrong and all I could say was "my dad was in my dream and someone shot him" through all the tears.  I got back in bed and cried some more. 

It's important to add that sometimes I get sad after dreaming of my dad when I realize it is ONLY a dream, but this had such a horrible ending and I'm getting emotional just typing about it. 

But there have been times lately when I just don't feel the hope of adopting.  Doors close in our faces all the time and I keep praying the same prayer.  I'm spiritually dry, I think.  I need a new way to pray for this child that I know is out there, needing us and needing a family.  Sometimes I feel like that dream is slipping away, the more things don't work out, the more we wait, the more times we renew our home study (which we are in the process of doing right now.)  The well of hope needs to be refilled. 

Thank the Lord that spring break is next week and hopefully I'll be out of this PMS induced funk.  It will (cross your fingers) be nice enough to sit outside and read and relax. 

Any prayers sent our way would be greatly appreciated....for a baby, for peaceful sleep, for hope springs eternal, for anything.  I want to say goodbye to the winter of my heart and feel His glorious renewal. 

Why I upgraded to the iPhone (it isn't the reason you think)

So, I've had my iPhone for several months now, since September and my relationship with it is kind of bittersweet or love/hate.  Don't get me wrong, I love Mac products and know it is a far superior product to any other phone out there, and I'm constantly discovering new uses for it beyond making calls, but I didn't start out wanting it because I needed a new phone. 

Here is the truth:  I bought the phone because we were matched with the twins. 

Fact 1:  I did need a new phone and was eligible for a new phone and Charlie has an iPhone so I knew they were great.  But, I did NOT want a data package.  I just didn't see the point of paying extra for features I wouldn't use.  I have a computer on my desk all day long and can look up whatever I need to and use a normal sized screen.

Fact 2:  I did not want a data package.  That bears repeating since it adds $29.00 to your phone bill. 

Fact 3:  I was happy pressing the buttons on my slide phone with full keyboard and I liked the way the buttons felt when I pushed them down and touch screens take a little getting used to.  Whenever I would text for Charlie in the car, it would take me forever. 

So, how did I end up with one? Two reasons. 

First, we were matched with the twins.  I wanted to be able to access Facebook and take videos and do all sorts of things with the phone when we got them.  I wanted to be able to look up things on the internet while we were sitting in the hospital or wherever (the twins were anticipated to be preemies, so we thought we might spend some time at the hospital).

Second, I got lost.  My new teaching job takes me to the city next to where we live, and while I've pretty much mastered Greensboro, I'm not at all used to Winston.  There's a mall over there that I've been to once or twice, but now I have to visit all these random schools for meetings and they are all over.  I got lost one morning and all I had was my MapQuest printout which was not helping me.  And the area of town I was in did not scream "Stop here and ask for help."  It was saying "Get out fast."  And while I finally found where I was going, it would have been great to look it up on my phone and get a little help.

Sometimes I forget how long I've had the phone because it seems like I've had it for years, but now and then someone will ask when I bought mine and if it has Siri (no, it does not) and I remember why I wanted it.

I have the phone, but not the twins.  Sigh.  At least I'm not getting lost anymore, and I know I'll get to use all the fun apps eventually when we do get a baby. 

And by the way, I'm still amazed that everyone doesn't have an iPhone.  Why would you buy another phone?  LOL.  Whenever I see people with scuffed up black plastic phones, especially the ones without a full keyboard, I wonder why they don't upgrade.  Then, inevitably, I remember why I was holding out and want to smack myself. 

Have you moved into the technology age with your phone yet?  Just curious.

waiting, always waiting...

 Sometimes I want to yawn...I get so tired. 

 Sometimes I want to hide. 

 Sometimes I want to lay down and forget this whole thing. 

But always, I keep coming back to waiting for what God has to offer and hoping he moves soon.  Soon.  Lord, soon.