Tuesday, April 3, 2012

erasing the doubts

Our case worker Debra and the new agency director Patience are coming for a visit tomorrow to update our home study.  This is the second time we've updated our home study and I'm anxious about it, although I don't really think anything is going to go wrong.  It is merely just paperwork and a visit, but since our old case worker, Josi, left to go back to school, we have a new one and since Josi was also the agency director, we haven't met Patience yet. We really like our agency and have always loved the people they choose, so I'm sure Patience will be warm and wonderful.  I like her name though...Patience certainly fits in the adoption world.  LOL. 

I discovered something on Sunday when our pastor was preaching.  He was talking about doubt and how when we ask for something big, we need to believe that God will provide.  Lately, I've been feeling like I should just give up hope on getting a baby and to just let God surprise me with good news, but that isn't really the correct mindset or belief.  I need to trust that God will bring us a baby, and trust that his time is the right time.  I can't doubt his plans when he has lead us this far.  Yes, it is easier to put myself in a protective bubble and prepare myself for the bad news than to constantly live on the edge of hope.  I had a breakdown during worship, just crying and calling out to God that he move in our lives and situation and bring us a child to love and raise.  There was even the sweetest baby dedication on Sunday and I can't wait until Charlie and I can dedicate our own child.  It will be such a happy day, someday. 

The photo above is of baby bedding we got years ago.  It was our "boy" bedding and we used the turquoise color as a jumping off point for the paint color.  Of course, now we've rearranged our house after we thought we were getting the twins and the paint color is more coffee brown.  If we get a girl, then we are using pink and turquoise, and if we get a boy, lime green and orange with the brown.  That's the plan, anyway.  The bedding has never been opened, so if you are interested in something like that, let me know.  I'll give you a great deal (we have the bumpers, quilt, skirt and rug).

I spent today cleaning the house, which wasn't that dirty, but I vacuumed and dusted in our bedroom, which normally doesn't get that much attention when we clean.  I also vacuumed the nursery which wasn't dirty at all, but Phoebe rolled around on the rug and there was husky fur all over.  I put out a spring arrangement in the entryway and just straightened up.  I walked on the treadmill and had lunch with my friend Mandy.  It's been a good day. 

So, prayers that all will go well tomorrow and that our agency might have any bit of good news to share with us.  I like to hear that our book is being shown, which always makes me feel good.  While I do want to get chosen, just being shown is really important.  There is no telling what might make a birth mother choose us and I don't fault anyone for choosing someone else.  The birth mothers should choose the couple that speaks to them and it is important decision.  I just like to know we're in the mix. 

Well, it is starting to thunder here and so that means my doggies are going to want their momma.  They don't like thunder and lightning, which means I'll get lots of cuddles. 


JellyBelly said...

I hope and pray that the visit goes well!

Kelly said...

You need to "prepare for rain".
Two farmers prayed for rain. After praying the first farmer went to his barn, sat down and waited for the rain. The second farmer went to work in his fields, preparing them for the rain he know God would provide. Which farmer do you think God blessed with rain?
(I stole this story from the movie "Facing the Giants". It was a story that got me through our wait.

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I'm of your same mindset ... Putting myself in a protective bubble. It's great that you have most of the nursery ready vs. waiting til you get matched. As in Kelly's story about the farmers, you are preparing, expecting, confident in God.
I'll pray you through the wait.