it hasn't been 24 hours

It started last night about 9pm with an adoption situation that was a "stork drop." Baby girl born on the 30th, needs family, send home study immediately.

So I emailed and asked and got a response that the situation was still available, and it was on. It was in the price range, the factors seemed to be lining up. Oh, and I should mention that Charlie was at the grocery store while I was doing all this. When he came home, I told him what was going on, and Lord, bless him, he has a hard time with these "jump" situations. He just can't compute. He started asking me all these questions, most of them that I had already answered and well...

Well, the story isn't about getting frustrated at 11:30 at night with your husband.

Anyway, I scanned and sent our home study and profile booklet this morning, then waited on pins and needles. They wanted to be able to grant custody to adoptive parents today, and this baby was in Texas, so if it was going to be us, we would need to get on a plane. At 12:30.

At 10, I emailed and asked if they got it. No response.

At 11, I asked again and said if they wanted us to come we needed to know now. No response.

At 12:30, I figured it was over, and then they emailed and asked for my phone number and I was hopeful again. The woman said the director would call me shortly after 1.

By 3, no one had called and I was wondering what happened. The birth mother was supposed to sign at 4.

At 3:30 or so, I got an email that they had chosen someone else.

Bummer.

All of this happening at work, by the way. I was trying to be productive all the while thinking about flying to Texas, what we'd need for 10 days, who I'd need to call to stay with the dogs, what I'd need to pack for the baby, etc. It's a wonder I got anything done.

I was also praying all day. Lord, let me hear your voice.

I'm disappointed, but getting better at being disappointed because that is really all I have known in adoption so far. I'm used to it. When I went to talk to my HR director to let her know I might be running out of the office to get on a plane, just in case, I told her what would probably happen would be I would get an email that they had chosen someone else. And that is exactly what happened.

Someday.

look who came to visit

In the midst of all this funeral stuff lately, many of us college friends took the time to visit. I already had lunch scheduled with my friend Laura and it ended up including another friend as well. And Laura's daughter, A. Isn't she sweet?


She is quite the flirt with the camera, and with Charlie!

I can't remember what made her laugh, but the expression is wonderful!



Love it! We had a good time reminiscing and remembering Dennis, all while being entertained by A.

Knocked Down

Ever feel like this?

I don't know for sure that one of the birth moms picked someone else, but I know the other one put off her meeting. When I called the agency the other day they said they had just been looking at our profile in preparation for meeting with her after memorial day. They said to keep praying because she wasn't 100% sure about placing the baby.

I felt like I'd been knocked on my butt again.

It seems like so many around the blogosphere are getting matched or getting babies and even though we've got all these feelers out there, nothing seems to be panning out. I was just in the nursery, putting something in the closet, looking at all the stuff in there that's just waiting to be used. Most of it is over two years old. I'm sure half the safety standards on carseats, strollers and cribs have changed since we bought that stuff! LOL. Anyway, I said to God "I'd like this stuff to be used soon. Okay?" My own little conversations with God go like that.

Anyway, not much else to report. It's been a productive day in that I've gotten half the house cleaned, spray painted some more frames for my dining room wall and am getting ready to hang them up. I'll show pics when I get them arranged to my liking. And we're having friends over for dinner, so that should be fun. I've been on a roll kicking Charlie's butt in Scrabble.

And the song "My Wish" from Rascal Flatts makes me cry each time. And it just came on Pandora while I'm typing this. Such an awesome song. And half the time I sing it as a prayer for people I know.

Well, am thinking of all of you. Happy Weekend.

Elisa and Josh

The bright spot in my week was a lovely wedding we went to yesterday. Josh and Elisa were married at 4:30 yesterday afternoon in a very personal and HOT wedding.

go away tears

I'm sad.

So sad.

The memorial was last night and it was beautiful and horrible and wonderful all at the same time.

And I'm so tired. And cried out. But I'm sure there are more tears in there.

So, although I know this post isn't much, I'm writing to say I'm here and I'm grieving and I'm trying to move on and help Crystal with her kids, housework, grocery shopping, and whatever else there might be.

But I'm still sad and that isn't going to go away anytime soon.

horrible weekend

All last week I was on pins and needles for a call from our adoption agency. One that I never got, by the way. I did, however, get the kind of call no one ever wants.

It was one of those "are you with people?" calls.

An "are you sitting down?" call.

A call so bad that my cubicle mates started giving me looks as I started bawling.

A friend of mine from college, Dennis Foster, had died, suddenly. He was in my class, an education major like me, a fellow resident assistant, a man with ambitions, and a man who had the biggest crush on another education major, Crystal.

Fast forward almost ten years and Dennis and Crystal have two daughters and a lovely home. She's a teacher and he's a principal of a local elementary school. They were at my wedding. I've hosted her baby showers, we get pedicures together, he cooked black eyed peas for my momma on New Year's Day.

And now he's gone.

And I'm sad.

I've spent time with Crystal this weekend, as she makes funeral arrangements and consoles her daughters and deals with some of her own health problems. I've cried with her, for her, for him and for those of us left reeling by this death. She has screamed at the heavens, wailing and wanting it all to be just some story about other people. But it is not.

There is so much pain wrapped up in this situation and this morning at church I worshipped and cried through most of it, praising the God who gives and takes away. All weekend, I've been whispering "Jesus, be with us in this place."

So, prayers for my friend Crystal and her two daughters. This is going to be a hard road for them to travel.

the farmer's market

In an attempt to keep my mind off other, more adoption-related topics, I'm going to tell you about a recent outing. No, nothing else has happened. We don't have any news. So...

A couple of weeks ago, Charlie, my Mom and I went to the Farmer's market. I took my camera along and had some fun! Don't know what all the plants are, but thought they were pretty.

Something purple!

Charlie and I went around and around and tasted all the strawberries at each different stand, and then went back to this stand to buy. They were the best, although they were covered in sand. We brought them home and while I was outside reading at the patio table, Charlie went in and washed them all and hulled them! He had no idea that you didn't wash them until you were going to eat them, and I didn't understand why he thought cutting off the "handle" was helpful. LOL. Seriously, folks, it was a gallon of strawberries that we then had to eat in about three days.

Pretty flower. Orange one.

The wide view.

Multi-colored marigolds! There was a whole table of them and they were so beautiful!