Monday, March 21, 2011

the highs and the lows

As a woman who wants to have children, but can't have children, our adoption can always find its way into conversation. It's a safe topic for random people at church or old friends to ask about, although lately I haven't had much to say. I find that I don't mind talking about it either, much like expectant moms might like to talk about being pregnant. Most people are generally respectful of our privacy, while being interested in the process as a whole. I'm sure you've experienced this as well.

I will say that there are times when I run into people (women, mostly) who aren't sure what to say and often come up with what I like to call "Well-intentioned-but-way-off-based" comments, or WIBWOB. The wib-wob conversation goes like this:

Sissy: "Yes, we're waiting to adopt a baby, and we've been waiting for two years now."

Wib-wobber: "Well, you could have spent the last two years changing poopy diapers, just be thankful for that."

What exactly does that mean?

Does the Wib-wobber mean that my someday adopted child won't poo their diapers? And if so, where do I get this fictional child? LOL.

Is it because I can't have children that people think we should be thankful to avoid all the hard things about raising children, as if we won't someday have to live through them anyway? Hardships come with raising children, as does a loss of my selfish, independent lifestyle and the introduction of cleaning up vomit at three a.m. But there is so much love that comes with having children, whether through my womb or through adoption. Love that I don't want to miss out on, even if I do have to drive the carpool and pack lunches and be a disciplinarian. You take the highs with the lows.

All this to say that my husband's brother and his wife are currently experiencing the lows of parenting. My sweet and adorable nephew Harrison, who is three, is currently in the hospital with a dangerously low platelet count. The doctors are working on it and trying to figure out the diagnosis, but he is all bruised and bloodshot and not really enjoying the six hour blood transfusion they performed today. Craig and Crystal are doing as well as can be expected, dealing with this sudden illness, that only seemed to prevent itself over the weekend. We were planning on going up there tonight to visit, but Crystal ended up telling us to skip it because Harrison was just so irritated by the transfusion that more excitement would make it worse. And Harrison LOOOOOOOVES his Uncle Charlie and probably wouldn't have been calm, which he would need to be with a needle in his arm. So, no visit.

I hope you can take a moment to send up a prayer for Harrison, and ask the Lord to completely touch his little body and make him whole. Ask our all powerful Healer to soothe every bruise and restore every platelet. I would appreciate it more than anything!


KT said...

Poor little Harrison...he is in my prayers.

A Family of Love said...

Praying for your nephew.

Also praying for you and Charlie as you wait for your child.

Alison said...

I'm sorry to hear about Harrison. I pray that he gets better soon.

I love the wib-wob acronym. Too funny.

the misfit said...

I have to think people who say things like that are reaching desperately into the "something positive" vault and reflexively throwing at you whatever they first land on without giving it even a brief inspecting glance first. In my ideal world, in their heads, those people immediately want to take that comment back. "Why did I say that? Doesn't that imply that she's lucky she's had to wait for two years? That's the only sense that comment could make. Why would she be happy about that? What am I thinking? Why didn't I listen to my Great Aunt Muriel when she said, 'Just say, "I'm sorry to hear that." That's all you need to do.' Maybe Sissy won't really have listened to what I said and won't have noticed that it was crazy? Quick! CHANGE THE SUBJECT!"

Praying for Harrison.