Thursday, August 12, 2010

working through the sadness

I should be getting all geared up for the new school year, but this year is going to be a little different. I don't have a school job. I mean, I could still get one (not at my old school) but I don't know how it all will happen.

I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm hurt, I'm depressed.

I want to sit at home and watch old movies and eat cookies (except we don't have any) and be sad. But sad isn't going to get me a new job. Watching movies isn't getting those resumes sent out. Reading your blogs isn't making contacts. But I'm tired and that's all I want to do.

That's not really what I'm doing, mind you. It's what I want to do.

I've made some calls this morning and sent some resumes and filled out an application for another job that I need to take and drop off. I talked to someone at a temp agency.

This is a tough economy. I know that. I just wish that I could know where the Lord is leading me. I'm praying that he puts me in the right place, in a place with wonderful co-workers and a boss with integrity.

Integrity. Who would think it would be so hard to find?

So, that's the update from this sad blogger.

I'm going to finish this and take a shower and think about what I making for dinner and maybe go and read a book that I downloaded to my nook. Netflix has a exercise dance video that I think I might watch (notice I did not say that I would actually DO the exercise, lol) and check it out. Endorphins might help me, I guess.

Oh, we had to go and get our physicals yesterday to update our home study. Yuck. I think everyone hopes they will only have to do a home study once. I know we did. Doing it this second time is only adding to my sadness and frustration. I know that is stupid, but time keeps passing and I know I am hurting and getting older and waiting. Blerg.

I feel cried out, but I know there will be more tears about this whole thing. The tears will come and it will make me feel an inkling better. Getting them out helps.

So, I'm going to sign off for today and get a few more things done.


WheelbarrowRider said...

Sending you hugs and knowing that God has a plan for you!

Bailey's Leaf said...

When I was in your employment situation, I checked into substitute teaching. It wasn't what I wanted to do, but it pays (paid) well and would definitely help with the bills. Just a thought, though obviously something permanent would be preferred. Since you have that physical already done and the homestudy on the way to complete again (I'm sorry for that as I recall all the work involved), perhaps it is an option.

Go take your camera and take a walk around even just your hard. Lift up little rocks and leaves and dig into the bushes. See what little creatures and treasures of happiness you can find. It'll take your mind off of all the life gunk and may give you some really awesome art.

I updated your slot on my prayer list last night.

the misfit said...

I'm sorry :(. All of that is rotten and I'm sorry you have to go through it. But I know you're tough and you'll pull through.

Frizzy and Bird said...

Would you feel comfortable sending me your address? If so, email it to me with who you are in the subject title. I think you have my email.

H said...

I haven't been able to comment much lately, but I've been reading, and I just want to tell you that I'm sorry and I'm praying for you. These things seem to come in waves...and I hope that you're on the upside very soon! I know that feeling of being frustrated because you would do WHATEVER God wanted...if you only knew what it was! Hang in will come, and you'll see Him all over it. Praying for you!!!!

Bug said...

I am sorry to read that you are having such a downer time right now. It is such a hard time to deal with everything. I was in a similar job situation last year. It will happen. I started following your blog through Frizzy. I just wanted to say that I have added you to my prayer list and am thinking of you. Here is sending you some positive vibes today.