Tuesday, August 10, 2010

notes from the unemployed

If one can walk down a path, not knowing where to go, but following the path with complete trust that it will end somewhere wonderful...that's where I am.

I have gone on two interviews, but not received either job. Well, technically three interviews, but I withdrew my application from one job because it just didn't feel right. But I really wanted one of the other two, and the other one sounded good, too.

It's a little bit of a crisis of self confidence, too. I am completely and totally qualified for the jobs I interviewed for, but they chose someone else. I've always been a great employee. I work hard, I show up on time, I'm pleasant to work with...but it's a bad economy and there are a lot of people out there looking for work. I feel so unwanted, and I've typed that before.

And, I've also said before that there is more to the story. And there is. And I can't say right now. I've always shared so much on this blog, but about this, I can't. Things I've posted about my job have come back to haunt me.

Funnily enough, I've never watched much Sex and the City. I honestly didn't get it before. We don't get HBO, but we have Netflix, so I had the movie sent to me. Is it ridiculous that I think it is wonderful? I mean, the friendship portrayed there is something we all aspire to, right? Four women, in NYC, living and writing and loving and wearing fabulous clothes. I fell in love with NYC last summer, and am now falling in love with this show. What I'm coming to realize is that it wasn't about me before, when I was 22. It's more about who I am now, in my 30s. Not that I agree with any of the promiscuity or swearing, but I find that the emotions are real. And in my sad state of affairs, I empathize with poor jilted Carrie. I have a broken job heart. If only I could fly off to Mexico like they do to relax and heal.

I'm praying that the Lord will lead me to the place he wants me to be, to work, to share who I am. I'm praying that he gives me peace while I find it. I feel this clawing desperation inside to have a career and bring home the bacon, and it's not desperate. We're not in that situation. We have savings and I'm still at Michaels and Charlie is still employed.

So, that's the update from this corner of North Carolina.

Oh, and here's something random: I keep calling Charlie to tell him all this bad news. I tend to get these emails in the middle of the day. Ones from my old principal, the emails from the principals turning me down, the call from HR letting me go...they all come in the middle of the day. So I call him and let him know. I told him today that at some point I would hopefully be calling to tell him something good.

What are your thoughts? Give me the good, bad and the ugly.


KT said...

There are a lot of unemployed people out there right now; I would focus on the positive that you have had interviews. I have sent off several applications over the past months (different field) and only have had one interview...I was so happy just to get to that stage.

Hoping for better days ahead ((hugs))

Alison said...

Hang in there, Sissy.
This really is the pits. I can definitely understand your feelings of being unwanted. That's a hard one to swallow. The truth is, you are wanted, you just haven't found the employer who wants you yet. It'll happen. It WILL.
In the mean time, Sex in the City is a great way to distract yourself.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Oh, what a cross you are carrying, Sissy :( I will step up my prayers for you asap.

And I love SATC, too. The show is phenomenal, imho. I also don't "agree" with much of the immorality, but as you said, the emotions are raw and real, with real-life circumstances. And I've always been able to relate to Carrie, too.

Bailey's Leaf said...

I've been on the unemployed end of things. I've been on the fertility issue end of things. I've been on the "I'm pregnant, but hold on, it collapsed into severe preeclampsia/eclampsia" end of things. We've waited on our own adoption journey.

You know what? I got another job. It is much closer to home.

Though Bailey died and that was a horrible thing, I have two cousins awaiting babies to be born in January. They were able to take the information that I learned about what happened with Bailey and they are able to have babies as a result.

We were told that the baby that we were expecting would arrive somewhere around September. At the beginning of August, we were told that the baby wasn't due until after Thanksgiving. The extra time gave us opportunity to get some more foster classes under our belt towards our yearly requirement. Our little girl landed in our arms on December 22, just a day and a half after her birth and three days before Christmas.

Sometimes there are things that we just don't sign up for. To be honest, often going through them just sucks. However, God has plans and they are in His time. We're an impatient lot, though. Believe me. I'm queen of impatience.

Rest assured, it will be when the Lord intends it to be.

Frizzy and Bird said...

I can't say it any better than the woman at Bailey's Leaf. Bird and I have been through all of this and no matter how bad it sucks somehow you find a way to make it through the day. I can't tell you how many resumes and applications he sent across the world and country. There were days he didn't want to get up but thankfully he did. Find something each day that brings you joy. Something, you can't wait to get out of bed and do. What is it you've wanted to do but have never had the time for? Do it now! Seriously. We'll keep praying for you and your sanity. I promise you're never forgotten.

JellyBelly said...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this Sissy!!!!

Sending you prayers and hugs!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

The right job is out there for you girl! Sending lots of prayers your way! :)