Monday, August 16, 2010

It's not easy

This week has brought even more weird things. I don't like to keep bringing you negatives, but the sky keeps falling, a little more each day.

There is nothing happening on the job front, except that I still have my Michaels job and am sending out my resumes like crazy. My pride is tripping me up too. There are tons of jobs out there for jobs I consider beneath me in my big college graduate ivory tower, like cafeteria worker. But today I applied to the county school system to be a cafeteria worker. They make surprisingly good money, I found out and it comes with benefits that I need to have.

I guess the point is that I need to be able to pay my bills, not worry about how I am paying my bills. They just need to get paid. It isn't dire and desperate here at my house, but we all have our creature comforts and I don't really want to give mine up. Nor do I want to have to lose our adoption status because our finances have changed so greatly. It is a big thing to admit that I am prideful about what kind of job I have. My husband keeps telling me that my job isn't who I am, it's just what brings in the money. Isn't funny that we tie all that up together and worry about it? It also gets tied up with the fact that I am not a mother yet, either.

Oh, and there was an adoption I came across today with a mother being induced tomorrow and we meet the requirements that she's looking for except we can't afford the fee. That made me sad that all this turmoil has affected so much. And did I tell you I went over my cell phone minutes? Yup. By 148. To the tune of an extra $75. Yikes. And right when we needed to be saving money. I never go over. Not ever. But in this time of job chaos, I guess I've needed to talk.

And while I want to keep using Facebook to keep connected to people and get out word about my job hunt, it's hard to hear great things about the start of the school year from former co-workers. I know they need to move on and so do I, and I can't expect them to all quit because I was treated badly. But I want them to. That's not fair, I completely understand, but it's how I feel.

Sigh. None of this has been easy, fair or fun.

It's not easy being me right now.

11 comments:

JellyBelly said...

I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time finding employment! Have you considered being a sub? I know that good ones get called in all the time (at least where I work) and depending on where you work, it can be an enjoyable experience. I always leave such detailed plans for my subs that I sometimes wish that I could stay and teach myself!

I've had my phone set to "airplane mode" every time we leave our resort to avoid any accidental roaming charges! I am so scared of going over my plan minutes/data charges that I am constantly checking my cell phone account!

Rachel said...

ohh geesh, I hope that this rough patch passes quickly for you.

Foster Family said...

I get it girl. I'm sorry. I want to cry along with you that finances are in the way of a possible adoption. I can't help in that department but I can pray for you. Love you much!

Alison said...

You have a good resume and a great work ethic....you'll find something. I just know it. Sorry about the phone minutes. Sheesh, those are some major overage charges.

Frizzy and Bird said...

1st, I have to tell you Pride and Prejudic was on tv here last night. I immediately thought of you and smiled. I even wished you were watching it with me.

2nd, I recall when Bird and I were first married and we moved to Laramie WY. I had a degree but nobody would hire me. It wasn't a town where what you knew mattered. It was a town where WHO you knew got you the job. I had to BEG for a job at Penneys whom I had worked for in KC all through college. The manager even asked me why he should hire me when he knew I would leave as soon as a better job was offered to me. I promised him I would stay on. I jumped through every hoop just to get that job. From there I made contacts to get a job as a Secretary at the Jr. High. From there I made a contact who helped me get 2 part time Social work jobs at the hospital and hospice all while keeping my job at Penneys. My pride was stomped on twisted and ripped apart but I learned it's not the job that matters it's about who you are and what you do with it that does.

Frizzy and Bird said...

Sorry if that sounded speechy or like a lecture. It wasn't intended that way I promise!

I'm sorry to hear about the adoption situation. From another family waiting hearing that just kills me! I don't understand why money comes into play at all. Isn't parenting supposed to be about unconditional love and support? I know plenty of wonderful parents who have little or no money but who have plenty of love and support for their kids. I think this is a huge area that needs to be reworked. I am on your side and in your corner cheering and praying for you my dear.

the misfit said...

I'm so sorry. It's strange, but unemployment (even if brief!) is such a heavier cross than it ever seems to be from the other side. It's not just the uncertainty and the material woes - it's that we've all been taught to measure our worth by our jobs. If we don't have one, we feel like failures. It's rotten.

Saying a prayer that your present struggles don't create any additional hindrances for your adoption(s)!

KT said...

Having a job that I enjoy and excel at is extremely important to me…would this be different if I had a child? Perhaps, but I don’t…I am childless…so I continue to seek employment which I enjoy, excel at, and provides me with some form of happiness (which I currently don’t have).

Unfortunately, we are in an economy where finding a “good” job is extremely difficult…finding any job is a handful itself. Throwing the stress of adoption on top of that…well, I know what you are feeling. It is slowly eating me away day by day.

(((Hugs))

I want to be happy again. Would a new job solve that? Perhaps. Would a child solve that? Certainly. Would winning the lottery? Well, we could probably solve both the job and infertility problem in one swoop there! To better days ahead…

Ann - Building a Nest said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your husband is right and honest work is honest work. Still, I know it hurts the pride. I remember my step-dad having to take a job well below him once and how painful it was to him, but honestly, I was proud of him for doing it. He eventually got a job he wanted and you will too.

surpriseofunfolding said...

Just said a prayer for you, your dh and adoption. I am so sorry you are suffering like this right now. My DH has been looking for work for quite some time now and it is terribly stressful and agonizing for him - also for me seeing him suffer in this way.

I am in teaching and I can relate to how difficult it is to separate your job (which many people in education feel as a "calling") from who you are - hence rejection is that much harder.

I am praying that you will feel God leading you through this time of change to something more wonderful than you can imagine just now.

Andie

Bug said...

Saying some prayers for you. I know it isn't an easy thing to go through on the job issue. Stinks the way it seems to work these days. I remember listening to Frizzy when they first moved to WY and the struggles she went through trying to get hired somewhere. I have lost a teaching job due to cutbacks and had to relocate for a new job. Who would have thought it that teachers would struggle to find a job. Sad times!

Keep your head up. Your hubby is right, it isn't the job that makes you who you are! I know it is easier said than done though! Lots of positive thoughts coming your way for both a job and the perfect child to be placed in your home!