introducing the word "might"

Over the last couple of days, I've been thinking about the word "might."  As in, adopting a baby might happen someday.  There are just some days it feels like it won't ever happen, and there are some days I feel so hopeful and confident that it must be right around the corner.  But it's been almost three years. And there are times when it just seems so impossible.  Why would a woman choose to give up her baby?  It's such an incredibly, almost unfathomable idea, for a woman to give her child to someone else.  But I know it happens all the time, it just hasn't happened to use yet. 
  For those of you who've adopted, especially those of you with long waits, was there ever a point where you just felt like giving up?  When you wanted to throw in the towel and ask your agency to stop showing your profile?  Don't get me wrong, that's not exactly where I'm at, but there are times when I'm just so tired of waiting for the phone to ring. And I'm scared that if we get matched again, it will fall apart again. 

It's all wrapped up in fear, isn't it?  Sigh.

But then I think about God's "might," and how the intricacies of this situation are not beyond his control.  The growth of my family, the addition of children, will come at his choosing, in his timing.


I continue to pray, I continue to dream, I continue to hope.  I choose to submit to his will and let him lead us down the path to our family.

so many prayers

Since I've been keeping my prayer journal this year, I've really started to notice the suffering that is all around us everyday. It isn't that I pray for everyone I know everyday, because most days there is something on my heart that I write about. Other days, I just think of everyone who needs prayer and write a list in my book.

Here is the list I wrote recently:

Lord, please bless and heal:

Donna and Cameron (we lost Uncle Roy to cancer in July)
Crystal, Kaitlyn and Kyleigh (in the loss of Dennis to suicide in May)
a friend from work struggling with depression and mental illness
a blogger friend who lost her husband
another friend who lost his father in July
a friend from church with breast cancer
our adoption agency
any birth mothers that they are working with who are placing their babies for adoption
the students at my school who live in poverty
Charlie's grandmother who is in her last months of life
Charlie and I as we try to patiently wait for a baby
all you bloggers waiting to be pregnant or adopt babies

Long list, huh?

Some days I fill up my pages with longing for a baby. Some days I plead on the behalf of others. I've been praying a lot for our adoption agency and any women they are working with, asking that the Lord touch them and comfort them in this time of decision. There is so much pain and grief out there and I can't pray for it all, but I try to cover my little corner of the world.

If there is something you want me to pray for, just let me know and I'll fit you in! I'm happy to include you in my prayers.

grace for the good girl

This is my buddy, Emily. We've known each other for ten years and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. We met at my first teaching job, when I was an art teacher and she was a sign language interpreter. The student she interpreted for liked to take art classes, so Emily was in my classroom for part of the day each day for two years. We planned her wedding in my classroom! You may also know Emily, from her blog Chatting at the Sky.

Emily and I have similar tastes in many things. We both have ministry employed husbands, we've used the same paint colors in our houses, we love Friends and Gilmore Girls and Mimi's Cafe and Harry Potter. She has a great laugh, and is about the best listener I've ever met. She is a person I can cry on, and have. She's a person who can hold your deepest secret and not judge you. And now she's written a book. A book many of you should read.


I don't want to get into where her idea for the book came from (because when you read it, you'll get it) but suffice it so say, as I read her book chapter by chapter, I came apart. What she's talking about, being freed from the idea that we're trying hard for other PEOPLE, is amazingly the place that many of us find ourselves. She writes about how we, as women, tend to be who people want us to be, instead of being ourselves. We mold our idea of ourselves around what others need. I soooo do that. But it's not me. Trying so hard to be the good girl has defined my image of myself and reading her words have helped me let go of that idea.



The book is available on Amazon and at Barnes and Nobles and is both conversational and inspiring. I think you'll be able to relate to it and find it helpful. And....there are a couple pages in there about me! Emily asked her friends to share stories of how hiding behind this image has played out in our lives, and we did. It is odd seeing my story in print, but kind of cool at the same time.

So, if you're looking for something to use as a Bible study, this is a great option and has a study guide in the back.

random updates

Today is Sunday and I've been able to rest my mind a little over the weekend and restore a little balance to my frenzied mind. We've been talking about tackling a few home renovation projects and then one project has led to another idea and then we end up talking about switching our guest room with our nursery. Who know what we'll end up doing, but if we switch the rooms around, then I get to do a little decorating. And, of course, I love that. So, I've been looking at paint swatches.

We also went to the grocery store today and I'll be doing some cooking later. Lettuce wraps for dinner.


Let's just say that I like to cook. I do. I love to be in the kitchen creating meals. I actually love to grocery shop too, and today Charlie and I went together. Sometimes I like that and sometimes I don't. Today it was pretty enjoyable. I like having him with me because then I'm able to get what he wants, but I have a system of shopping and he messes with that a little bit. His preference is to get all the cold things last, which I agree makes sense, but the store isn't really planned that way and to do that you end up crisscrossing around the store. I work from one end to the other and don't stress about the cold items.

We also had dinner out last night with my friend Emily, who has a book coming out on Thursday. She hosted a big group of people that had helped her with the book, and coincidentally the people at our table were all linked to adoption in some manner. One couple was in the home study stage, we're in the waiting stage and the other couple works in the adoption field. It was a fun and lively group and we all enjoyed getting to know one another. It was great fun to celebrate Emily's first book and also talk adoption with other people who get it! (more about the book later this week.)

So, for now I hope you all are well, having survived Hurricane Irene. We got three sprinkles of rain yesterday and some wind and that was it!

Yes, I'm here...

Just wanted to let you know that I am still here and extremely busy! I accepted a new job at an elementary school teaching art and have been busy trying to get my classroom pulled together, lessons planned and meet all the new people. I know I've been missing around here for a while, but I've been keeping up with your blogs and checking in on you. Please forgive me if I'm not prolific in my posting over the next couple of weeks, as I get back into the swing of things. The first couple of weeks of school (as many of you know) are certainly tiring and in the evenings I might not be inclined to get out my computer and share my life.

Plus, I try not to talk a lot about my job on my blog. It's just not a good idea.

Here are a couple quick takes for you:

• My mom picked apples on Saturday and then we made pies. Charlie was thrilled.
  
• As a gift for my new job, Charlie bought me a Cricut! It's purple.
  
• I think I've decided to get an iPhone.
  
• I got new glasses today. They're purple.
• Do you see that purple is a theme here?
• I need to get off of here and type up my lesson plans, but I'm sharing with you!
• We're planning on adding a deck/carport to the side of our house, but have to file for a variance due to the proximity of the property line.
• Oh...I've been watching episodes of Criminal Minds and James Van Der Beek (aka, Dawson from Dawson's Creek) played a veeeeeeerrrry creepy serial killer. Interesting to see him as something else.
• I currently have pink sheets on my bed. They make me happy and Charlie doesn't care.
  
• I'm getting a pedicure next week...I think.
  

Well, that's the news from around here. Hope all is well with you all out there in Blogland!

last weekend

Wow, last weekend was hot and it was a challenge to be outside on Sunday afternoon. Charlie and his siblings were throwing a 40th anniversary BBQ for their parents, but only a few of us were brave enough to actually eat outside.

We clustered up in the shade, had fans going and wear in as few layers of clothes as possible.


The kids wanted ice cream cones, and they came outside to eat with us, but the ice cream was melting so fast and they didn't know where to lick. It was all over their hands and then Cheyenne bit the bottom off her cone and she had it dripping from both top and bottom. Eventually, she stuck a finger up the bottom to stop the dripping. LOL.


The heat drove us all back inside pretty quickly, but a fun time was had by all.

Happy 40th anniversary, Tim and Judy!

little boy blue

Here are some shots from a baby shower I threw last weekend. For a baby boy, obviously. LOL.

Enjoy!