Friday, September 9, 2011

introducing the word "might"

Over the last couple of days, I've been thinking about the word "might."  As in, adopting a baby might happen someday.  There are just some days it feels like it won't ever happen, and there are some days I feel so hopeful and confident that it must be right around the corner.  But it's been almost three years. And there are times when it just seems so impossible.  Why would a woman choose to give up her baby?  It's such an incredibly, almost unfathomable idea, for a woman to give her child to someone else.  But I know it happens all the time, it just hasn't happened to use yet. 
  For those of you who've adopted, especially those of you with long waits, was there ever a point where you just felt like giving up?  When you wanted to throw in the towel and ask your agency to stop showing your profile?  Don't get me wrong, that's not exactly where I'm at, but there are times when I'm just so tired of waiting for the phone to ring. And I'm scared that if we get matched again, it will fall apart again. 

It's all wrapped up in fear, isn't it?  Sigh.

But then I think about God's "might," and how the intricacies of this situation are not beyond his control.  The growth of my family, the addition of children, will come at his choosing, in his timing.

I continue to pray, I continue to dream, I continue to hope.  I choose to submit to his will and let him lead us down the path to our family.


Kelly said...

Our wait wasn't nearly as long...I am so sorry your heart is hurting. Have you considered signing with another agency (in addition to your current one) or opening up your acceptance list?

Karrie said...

Don't forget about international adoption. Lots of beautiful children wishing someone would choose their "profile." I'm so sorry you have waited so very long. I will pray that your path leads you to your child.


the misfit said...

Three years is so long! I'm not doing adoption but I can certainly see why such a long wait would be disheartening. I hope the end of this (leg of the) journey is just around the corner for you!

"His Perfect Timing" said...

No experience as we are just starting the adoption process. I'm continually praying for a great announcement from you soon.

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Oh, my friend... my heart is so heavy for you. You always come to my mind when I pray, because I know how difficult it is to wait, and wait, and wait without any promises. What a cross to bear.

May God continue to bless you - remember He loves you very much and has chosen you for this special cross.

Gretch & Jim said...

Sissy - Jim and I have been waiting for more than 2.5 years now. You're right, it is so hard. There are days when it simply wears me out, and I have a hard time believing it will ever happen. I am a girl who likes to be able to plan, particularly for major life stuff, and it feels as if we can only plan in very. small. increments. It's in those times that I turn to Jim and let him know it's his turn to do all the believing for a little while, that I just can't manage it. And then I have a good cry, a long walk or a hot bath, get out with my girlfriends, or go plant some flowers. I wander down the hall to our decorated but still empty nursery and pray for the moms who are going through a decision process that I suspect can only be described as hellish, and especially for the one who will one day choose us to parent their child. We're not ready to live child-free, so we then work on some aspect of this whole process that we feel we can have some "control" in: reading an adoption-related book or article, updating our website, creating adoption pass along cards, creating adoption profile 1-pagers to mail out.

One day it WILL happen. Have faith. Hang in there!

marge said...

i want you to know... you are loved. and wonderful. "the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" -psalm 34:18

Frizzy said...

The first time through was nothing like this wait. NOTHING! This one seems like it's gone on for decades and yes. We've felt like throwing in the towel on more than one day. We've thought about changing agencies. We've thought we lost our chance. Then hope comes rushing back in and washes the doubt away again for a few more days, weeks or months.

Hang in there! The word Might has a lot of amazing possibility. God's love is mighty you know. I like to change the word to make it positive.