Wednesday, October 5, 2011

the climb feels endless





I took this photo when we were in NYC two summers ago and I love the way the glass reflects the sky and the building almost disappears.  There's just something interesting about it to me, where the building meets the sky and I like the kind-of-magic of it.  Yeah.  I'm weird like that.  I think this is a magic photo. I mean, I could climb all the steps to the top, but where I can't see the building, is it really there?  What if I got all the way up there and the building just faded away?  Or, what if I got all the way up there and the stairs suddenly dropped off?

Anyway, there's something about it that makes me sad.  It feels like our adoption journey...within my grasp but almost mystical.  Like, we've gone all this way up the stairs and the penthouse is just fading away.  Like the part where I bring a baby home is mystical and mythical and out of my reach. 

Yes, I'm sad.  We've just been in a place where I think things are looking up but we're really still in the same place.  My mom reminded me that a waiting time is a trusting time and I know I'm being stretched right now, but I feel like I'm being stretched too thin. 

The pages of my prayer journal have been filled with my longings to be a mommy and raise a child to his glory.  I've written about it so much this last year and the words seem repetitive and trite.  I wish I had something different to say, but I'm trying to keep positive and continue praying and trusting. 

Thanks for all of you who continue to pray for us.  Thanks to all of you who keep your eyes and ears open for an adoption possibility for us.  I hope that this road is shorter rather than longer, and our journey's end is soon.  I hope that someday soon my arms will be full and our nursery will be needed.  I wish that I didn't sound so hopeless, but there are days when the climb feels endless. 


4 comments:

Patiently Waiting...... said...

I realize that we have only been waiting six months....but your words ring so true to me. Some days are filled with such optimism, but other days are just terrible (like today). I pray that your time comes soon. Thank you for sharing your emotions...it made me feel human this evening.

Made For Another World said...

Praying your wait is nearing its end. Cyber hugs to you sweetie.

Frizzy said...

OH Sissy! You couldn't have said what I've been thinking and feeling any better. GET OUT OF MY HEAD WOMAN! Just kidding. You write your feeling and so many others so beautifully.

One thing I've come to appreciate and take comfort in is knowing I am not alone. There are others who know EXACTLY what I'm thinking and feeling at any given moment. They seem to find just the right words of inspiration to bring me renewed hope. Your tower reaching into the heavens is breathtaking and so spiritual! Man trying to build and reach toward the skies yet heaven is still so out of reach and even fuzzy at times. The reflections of earthly distractions pulling our focus away from God and the ultimate prize. You MUST frame it and hang in on your wall with piece of scripture on it!

Scott and I heard a sermon on dew in the desert a few weeks ago. I sobbed like a baby! I tell you. I felt that sermon was written and being spoken just for us. I have felt like we are walking through a desert waiting for dew to fall upon our lips, nourish our bodies and fill our arms.

The photo I posted today of the dew was me clinging to that sermon and to God my "dew" in the desert. I try to remember he blesses us with so many things seen and unseen each day. I am trying to begin and end each day with a thankful heart.

I don't know you but I certainly do love you and your heart my friend.

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

Beautiful post!