Friday, October 21, 2011

time to tell the truth

Let me preface this by saying this story does not end well.

The day of open house at my new school, I got in the car to drive home and had a message from our case worker, Josi.  I called back and she wanted me to call when I was with Charlie so she could talk to us once.  OK.  So I got home fast.

We called and Josi wanted to tell us about a birth mom who was due at the end of September and was having twin girls.  She shared some more details and asked if we were on board.  The birth mom (I'll call her Jennifer) wanted to meet us and talk.  Of course, we said yes.  So exciting.  TWIN GIRLS.  TWINS!  I mean, I was thrilled.  Nervous, but thrilled.  We already had girl stuff, we had lots of girl name options and we were ready financially.

We met her once at the office and another time had dinner with her.  We thought she was funny, sweet, a little immature, open and honestly intending to place the babies.  She shared with us how sad she was to place them, but that she wanted them to have a good life and grow up in a church and with lots of family around.  She loved our minivan, thought we were fun, and really wanted the girls to have a father.  The birth father had already signed off and was on board.  He liked our profile and thought we were a great choice.

The babies were due at the end of September, but ended up being delivered on September 17th.  The agency called us and said that Jennifer had been asking when they would call us and let us know.  Her parents were there and the birth father and his mom, and they were all calling the babies the names WE chose.  They were telling the staff that the babies were being placed for adoption.  Everyone was calm and good.

We sent flowers the next morning then went to church and praised God.  We were going to be parents in about a week, after the waiting period here in NC.  We went home after church to work on the room (we had switched our guest room with the nursery in anticipation of needing two cribs) and waited all afternoon for the call that she had signed the paper.

She would not sign.

They made her call us.  She said she hadn't been able to sleep well and had decided that she was going to be a single mom.

There is more to the story about what a bad situation she is living in, her lack of job and her other kids, but it is too much to tell and since it didn't end up well anyway, I don't feel the need to share all of it.  I just know that I've now lived through another failed match and it hurts.

This one is different that the other one, because I felt really calm about it unlike our first match.  I was getting ready and planning and praying and trusting and knowing it would all work out.  Everyone was caught off guard when she changed her mind.  The birth father was shocked and a little angry.

So now, here we are again waiting for another match and knowing that this time of year is slow adoption wise.  We've been praying that if it is God's will for these girls to be ours, he will move the mountains in the way.  We've also been praying that our adoption agency will be flooded with phone calls, over and above what they can handle.

So, that's the truth about the last month and a half.  I can't believe it's been almost a month since the twins were born and they would have been here and we would be planning the coming holidays as parents.  Sigh.  We're trying to move past it and move forward, but every now and then it gets me that it fell apart AGAIN.  Arrrrggggghhhhh.  I can't think about it at times, and other times it is all I can think about.

Thanks for listening...

16 comments:

Bailey's Leaf said...

I am so sorry.

JellyBelly said...

Oh Sissy, I am so sorry. I wish I knew words to comfort you. I'm praying for your comfort and healing.

Maria said...

Nothing makes sense in these circumstances. It's so hard to believe that God has a plan. He does. I'm sure of it. May you find comfort and healing in your waiting. You are a faithful servant!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Oh my gosh... why does it seem like some people (a-hem, those of us left w/o kids) have to suffer SO greatly while others just have to wait a certain amount of time and are blessed beyond measure?? It makes NO sense to me. None.

You're in my prayers, friend.

Made For Another World said...

Oh, my, so very sorry to hear this. Please know you are in my prayers today.

Frizzy said...

There are no words. We am so sorry you all are going through this all over again. Scott and I send our love and our prayers to you both.

KT said...

There was so much of our failed adoption journey that I didn't share with others - it was just too painful...and frankly still is.

I don't understand why for some, it is so easy...and for others, so difficult.

I use to tell myself that as time went by, the disappointment would not be as great. But I suppose that statement just never held true. It was those ones that you really felt were meant to be that always got you the most...no matter the timing.

RELH said...

So so sorry

Amazing Life said...

Joining you in your special prayer intentions, your heart is brave but battered. God will bring you joy!!!

MaMaNina said...

SO sad for all involved. Some moms do make this choice and a few months down the road realize that the support system promised to her (family, friends) stop helping as much they realize what they are in to and decide to place again. I know it's been over a month now. So sorry that you've gone through this again. No one should have have. Praying for you, Sissy!

2China4Ayla said...

Oh, Sissy. Tears. Broken for you. I am so, so sad. None of it makes sense but I pray and trust God that someday His plan will be so perfect and wonderful that you will be able to shout praises over the sorrow you have endured in this journey. Love you!

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

Sissy, I'm so very, very sorry! I cannot find the right words to convey to you. This is SO very unfair how you both have been treated - the hope that has been dashed again - the frustration and anger you are feeling. Know that you are in my prayers - and I am pleading to God to make you a mom soon.

Kelly said...

I am just now catching up on posts...I am so so so sorry. My heart is breaking for you!

Bumber's Bumblings said...

I'm so so sorry! ((hugs)) and prayers for you!

Donna said...

My heart is breaking for you. You are in my prayers.

Alison said...

Oh man, Sissy, I haven't checked your blog in a few weeks. I'm so sorry this happened again. I wish I could find something to say, but I just don't have the words. I'm just very sorry.