Monday, November 23, 2009

is there another word for "waiting?"

We haven't heard anything from the agency. I guess there really isn't too much going on, and of course you know I wish there was. When the adoption was falling into place last spring, it just seemed like it was happening, you know? We were so close.

Now it is cold and rainy and my thoughts feel like that too. Even though I had an awesome birthday weekend, the waiting weighs me down. It's always there, this constant wish that we'll get the call again soon. I check my phone, but there's nothing.

Then I think about how stressful it all was last time, during those weeks we were waiting for the baby to be born. How I didn't sleep and worried all the time, and maybe I'm not anxious to relive that. Those weeks were hard, and the outcome negative, and there's no promise that it won't happen again.

But, in the midst of all this rain, I know my Lord is there. It's hard to remember sometimes, but I see him in little ways. I keep giving my sorrows back to him, saying, take this hurt Lord and make it something you can use. Let me be a blessing to someone.


Marge said...

well i feel yah girl! we had our 6 month review in court last week for our foster son and it seems like this 6 months has gone on FOREVER! i was doing fine with the waiting until a few weeks ago, and now it seems to be nagging at me. so pretty much one of my least favorite things in the world. keep your chin up. maybe the holidays will take your mind off it for awhile. i'm hoping they'll do it for me too!