Sunday, January 1, 2012

goodbye, bad memories

Well, here we are in another year and I don't know exactly what to say about it.  In my mind, I think that 2011 was really horrible to me, but that's because all I can remember about it is that we didn't get the twins.  I lost babies in 2011, just like in 2009.  But, in 2011 I also got a new job and my husband took me on a cruise.  We began renovations on the attic bedroom and bonus room, doing it on a slow pace that matches how we can afford it.

Yes, I know good things happened in 2011 and I have posted about this before.  I need to look on the bright side. 

The photo above shows us in progress on what would have been the nursery for the twins. We switched our larger guest room with our smaller nursery to accommodate two babies.  We painted the nursery a coffee color, and kept the white furniture we already had, planning on adding an additional crib once we brought the babies home.  We are pretty much prepared for a baby at this point, having been excited twice and done little bits of shopping both times.  We're ready. 

The nursery is more put together than this photo shows, but because I was putting up curtains when we were interrupted by the phone call from Jennifer saying she was going to parent the twins, I never took more photos.  I promise I will, because we have a really great rug in there now, and some great turquoise curtains on curtain rods I installed myself (no husband necessary!) 

I've also read two posts lately that I feel the need to comment on, one by All You Who Hope about feeling scared to try to get pregnant again and feeling guilty about wanting more children when there are some of us out here still waiting to add to our families.  My opinion on this, and my comment to her, was that no one needs to worry about wanting more children in regards to this blogger.  It isn't that I don't want others to have children, it's that I want them TOO.  And I hope this opinion is shared by other "waiters" out there.  Thankfully, there is a God in heaven who fills my heart up with joy for other women, taking away most of the sorrow of being childless.  There are only small moments where I cry and whine and whimper, and most are in the privacy of my own home 

The second post was at A Familiar Path, talking about friendship and the desire to say "no" most of the time to invitations from friends.  She was talking about being a homebody, not minding having people over, but often shunning invitations to go other places.  I get like this sometimes, just wanting to crawl into a cave and have alone time, but my thoughts about friendship were more on the "who" front.  And how to choose good friends.  And how to nurture "couple" friends.  I have so many thoughts on this, it might branch out into a whole post.   While it seems so easy to have friends, like marriage it takes work to be a good friend.  More on that when I can organize my thoughts. 

I wish you all a Happy New Year.  For those who are waiting, like Charlie and I, I pray that 2012 will be the year of adoption miracles. 

Onward and upward, right?


JellyBelly said...

I, too, am glad that it is 2012.

Praying for a much better new year for you!

the misfit said...

Onward and upward - yes, please! Happy new year!

Amazing Life said...

Praying that 2012 is the year you find that nursery bubbling with joyful cooing and the place to build new and beautiful memories in ;))

Made For Another World said...

it's always good to say goodbye to years like that. Glad you have a fresh start- can't wait to see the what the new year brings!

Made For Another World said...

it's always good to say goodbye to years like that. Glad you have a fresh start- can't wait to see the what the new year brings!

"All in His Perfect Timing" said...

Yes, like you stated to AYWH, you aren't unhappy that they are having more children, its that you want them too. Definitely!
I'm praying for you in the New Year and I'm glad there were some highlights to 2011.

Alison said...

I hope and pray this is your year for a baby.

Friendship is hard, especially maintaining them. I'm not a very good friend; I'm a selfish homebody who is lousy at nurturing relationships. So, sorry, my lovely friend of 20 years; sorry I'm a dud. Ha!

allyouwhohope said...

You are so kind. Wouldn't it be great if we just ALL could have our babies and rejoice with each other? Some day soon, hopefully.

Frizzy said...

Love you and your heart. I pray the same thing for you my dear. Many many adoption miracles in 2012!

Julie said...

I just found your blog.
I understand your sorrow and pain. After 9 years of childlessness and many failed adoptions (6 in 2011 alone)...we have 2 beautiful children through adoption.
Praying for you!