Well, Christmas 2011 has come and gone and has been wonderful. Charlie and I really showered the love on each other and there were presents popping up almost everyday for the last week. This excessive present giving has lead to a whole bunch of furniture rearranging and cleaning and the dogs are now really confused about where everything is located!
We did something different this year and celebrated Christmas Eve with his family then spent Christmas Day with my mom. We had church Christmas morning and then had lunch with her and opened presents, then went home and opened presents with each other.
One silly thing was that Charlie bought me the Harry Potter Lego PS3 game and it is really fun! Normally I'm not a game player, so having something we can play together and I don't die all the time is great. We can play together, but we're not playing AGAINST each other. That's key.
I know this season brings out the wonder and joy in so many, but I sit here mourning all this things that this holiday season was supposed to bring. I've been fine, I've been busy, I've been too crazed with the everyday-ness of life to really dwell on it. But then, I popped around a few blogs today and it all came rushing back to me: how we're still waiting.
And I wonder if the twins are okay and if their mother will take them to church on Christmas or if they'll get presents. I walk past the room that should have been theirs and wilt. The room is half finished, waiting for yet another match to spur us into action and changes to make it fit the new match. When our case worker visited a few weeks back, I showed her the new nursery and although it has coffee colored walls and turquoise curtains, the accents are pink. The clothes I have are pink. We were ready.
I don't know how to move forward.
So, I'm probably supposed to write something inspiration here. About how I know that God's timing is the right timing and how I know that He's used us in a powerful way in the life of the family we met this last time. And maybe about how I'll just live life while I wait and enjoy all these couple things that Charlie and I can do while it's just the two of us.
Bah humbug. I want a baby.
I ache. I cry. I pray.
What's a girl to do?
I could tell you about all the things going on at school or all the things at home or the Christmas shopping or deck building or attic renovations, and I will, but this is an adoption blog with NO adoption. Sheesh. I wish I had more to give you right now, but I'm all out of hope at this moment.
If you're reading this blog, you might already know that Charlie and I are going through the process to adopt a child. It has been a long road to this place, and infertility is not for the faint of heart. But we firmly believe that God's hand is upon us and that He preparing us for a child who needs a loving home, with people who want nothing more than to be a family. If our journey interests you, read on.