I know this season brings out the wonder and joy in so many, but I sit here mourning all this things that this holiday season was supposed to bring. I've been fine, I've been busy, I've been too crazed with the everyday-ness of life to really dwell on it. But then, I popped around a few blogs today and it all came rushing back to me: how we're still waiting.
And I wonder if the twins are okay and if their mother will take them to church on Christmas or if they'll get presents. I walk past the room that should have been theirs and wilt. The room is half finished, waiting for yet another match to spur us into action and changes to make it fit the new match. When our case worker visited a few weeks back, I showed her the new nursery and although it has coffee colored walls and turquoise curtains, the accents are pink. The clothes I have are pink. We were ready.
I don't know how to move forward.
So, I'm probably supposed to write something inspiration here. About how I know that God's timing is the right timing and how I know that He's used us in a powerful way in the life of the family we met this last time. And maybe about how I'll just live life while I wait and enjoy all these couple things that Charlie and I can do while it's just the two of us.
Bah humbug. I want a baby.
I ache. I cry. I pray.
What's a girl to do?
I could tell you about all the things going on at school or all the things at home or the Christmas shopping or deck building or attic renovations, and I will, but this is an adoption blog with NO adoption. Sheesh. I wish I had more to give you right now, but I'm all out of hope at this moment.
If you're reading this blog, you might already know that Charlie and I are going through the process to adopt a child. It has been a long road to this place, and infertility is not for the faint of heart. But we firmly believe that God's hand is upon us and that He preparing us for a child who needs a loving home, with people who want nothing more than to be a family. If our journey interests you, read on.