a bunch of something

So, there's progress on the house, and we actually have a deck attached but I don't have pics of it.  We've enjoyed sitting up on the deck during this unseasonably warm November we've been having, even though there isn't any railing yet.  It's a little scary, but the breeze is wonderful and the stars are beautiful.  I've also kept myself occupied with dreaming of what might be in the new bedroom. 

Yes, we're moving along with the renovation upstairs, but I'm dreaming a year ahead or so when I can sit in a bathtub and read a book and listen to Sara Bareilles and relax.  I'm going to get passed this time period of construction and live in my blissfully designed master suited.

Here are a couple other things:

• I celebrated my 35th birthday on Sunday and managed to get through it by buying a new pair of black boots and not looking into the nursery and feeling like I've just entered the "high risk" category.
• We bought our Christmas tree today and I love the smell.  Love it!
• School is going really well and I'm loving the kids, my classroom, and the school.
• We're hosting a gingerbread house building party for some friends from church and I'm excited about it.  We had some friends do this years ago and we loved it, and have decided to host one ourselves.  
• I've put a food processor on my list for Christmas.
• I've put a massage gift card on my Christmas list.  
• Charlie wants a Shop Vac and outdoor garden heater and he bought them both today, so I guess my shopping is already done.  
• I ordered our Christmas cards today and had to say goodbye to the dream of sending ones with a baby in them this year.  Another year gone.  

emotions on the ebb

The past week or so has actually been pretty good, emotion-wise.  I've been sick, so congested and miserable that I missed a day of work, but the fact that I haven't been able to dwell on our adoption loss has been a good thing.  I'm thankful that each day brings something to make me smile and if I stay busy I don't think to much about it.  Sometimes. 

ps.  I love this photo of my Phoebe's paws...isn't she dainty?

The truth is, of course, that this time of year is hard on us still waiting adoptive parents, thinking of all that could be and should be and isn't yet.  My birthday is coming up and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas, and we had all sorts of plans for the twins.  There were ornaments I saw in a store that said "baby's first Christmas," and there were Halloween outfits that we liked and baby announcements that I thought were cute, and a mostly finished nursery that we walk past everyday. 

Our case worker is coming for a visit next week and I thrilled about seeing her for a more social kind of visit.  We're going to have dinner and chat and visit and hang out.  I'm glad to see her have a more relaxed time.  We've been with our agency long enough that we really have bonded with them, and they've seen us through all these peaks and valleys.  

Hope all is doing well with each of you and that you aren't dreading these next couple of months and dealing with the holidays empty handed.