Monday, July 25, 2011

two years and counting....

Last week the agency called and I talked to one of the case workers. I was excited when the number came up on my cell phone, but quickly understood that it was not "the call" like I hoped and was just some questions. Questions I didn't know how to answer right away.

They had a birth mother coming in and wanted to show our profile, but there was one hitch. The BM was requesting that the adoptive family had a stay at home mom for at least three years. I told Lori (case worker) that I didn't know. It certainly wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility, but that I would have to talk to Charlie and let her know.


Charlie and I talked about it that night over dinner, and since he is the one who does our finances, he knows the truth. There isn't a way we could pay for the adoption and me stay home. It was sad to talk about. He asked if they could show our profile anyway, but I know they won't show profiles unless they match what the BM has requested. That way there isn't any pressure. I wish they could have shown our profile. Sigh.

I asked the other day on Facebook if all the mothers out there would still think about getting pregnant if it took two and a half years. Most said yes, but they did agreed it was a long time. I think most of us have written a post or two about waiting and what it is like and what happens when our friends have babies and pass us by and how that hurts some times. I threw a baby shower this weekend and was happy to do it, and didn't think about it much until someone wandered into the fully decorated nursery and wondered about our non-present baby. Yeah, the one that we're still waiting for...

It's hard to talk about with strangers sometimes, because they ask questions that I've answered hundreds of times. They are intrigued and interested about adoption and they think we've just started, and then I start talking and they realize that even though I'm upbeat, this process is really emotional, stressful, expensive and full of ups and downs.

So, that's the update from here. Again, if anyone has any tips/suggestions/advice let me know!

5 comments:

Bailey's Leaf said...

Could you work from home? Just a thought. You would be at home, you would be making money to help with the finances AND! that would meet her requirement, yes?

Just a thought.

Amazing Life said...

Sometimes what seems impossible becomes possible,, I wish they could have shown your profile.
Maybe one of those strangers can help link you to your baby someday. Praying!

This_Cross_I_Embrace said...

Oh gosh, that is so hard. And so unfair, considering there are all kinds of stipulations put on prospective adoptive moms but none on bmoms.

And, we had a party here this past weekend, and my oldest sister was seeing our new house for the 1st time... she kept saying while she was in the "nursery" room right across from the master that it would be a perfect space for a library. Since we already had a guest room, it would be just perfect, yada yada... and I kept saying, "Nooo, I think we'll have the library somewhere else..." and she just didn't get it. It's like my own family has given up on the idea that I'll ever have kids. (Even though there is a glider and a diaper pail in that room already.)

"His Perfect Timing" said...

You know, the "working mom" situation is something I worry about too. As a potential adoptive mom (still in the initial phases), how much will still working full time affect our ability to be selected?
I have a job where I love it and it would ruin the company if I left (its only 3 people). We need my income to keep our house. My husband would love to quit, but has no job where he could work from home. Its just not fair to those of us who either like their job or have to work to be removed from the selection process.

Princess said...

Hi...I found your blog through blog hopping several months ago and have been following your journey. I am adoptive momma and just wanted to tell you that the journey seems long and hard but it is worth every day, every tear and every doubt. It is alright to have bad days, bad weeks and even bad months...the one thing I wish is that I had shared the hard parts more with those around me, but I was too prideful to admit it was hard. Talking about it now with friends and family, they wish they could have supported me more. Above all, the journey is worth every second it takes.