can we really advertise?

It's weird to write posts for this blog sometimes, and I'm not even sure how many people keep up with it. When we were expecting the baby in May, we sent out cards inviting people to a celebration that would take place after she was home, and it included this blog address. Many of our church family were keeping up with us through the blog, but I don't know if they are still. I feel like I need to keep posting though, so it won't just sit here.

There isn't anything going on right now with our agency. I did register with AdoptUsKids.org which is a registry of foster kids available for adoption all over the country, but I don't think this will feed us anything. Most of the foster kids in this country are school age children, and we are not certified to adopt a child over 1 year old. It's possible, I guess. I just wanted another way to connect with people out there.

I've read stories before about couples who advertised for their birthmothers. You can send letters to local Ob-gyns and let them know you are approved to adopt, if they ever come across a patient who wants to place a baby for adoption. You can advertise in the newspaper, I guess, like the couple in the movie, Juno. I have this blog, and we are on our agency's website. I don't know what to think, really, about sending letters to doctors, or advertising in the newspaper. I guess I could take out an ad on Craigslist, but that seems to be pushing it. I don't want to force it, but should I be doing my part? What more can I do?

What are your opinions? Do you think there is a way to advertise without being completely tasteless? What would you recommend if you were me? I do trust that people I know would tell someone about us if that subject ever came up. Or you could refer them to our agency, New Life Christian Adoptions. I hesitate to put this up on Facebook, cause someone could really take this the wrong way. Waiting is confusing. Yup.

I just wanted to check in with you all. Hope all is well with you and that whatever your situation, you are handling it with the grace of our Lord. He's there when things are dark, I can tell you that.

waiting for the phone to ring...

Every time my phone rings I want it to be the adoption agency calling me to tell me we have again been matched with a birthmom or baby. I check my phone multiple times daily if I think of it, and I want to see a call from them so badly. Today I was sitting at my computer at work when my screen lit up and the phone was vibrating, and it was the right area code for the agency. Unfortunately, I had a class with me and couldn't take the call, but the minute they walked out I checked my messages.

It was indeed the agency, but not calling with any good news. They were returning my call from earlier in the week, and letting me know that they were experiencing a lull. Yup, a lull. They had a really busy spring and summer and now they didn't have many birthmoms to work with. She told me that all we needed to do was pray that they would start getting some calls.

I felt weird about this part, and had to think about it for a minute. I actually laughed when I realized why I thought her request was strange. I reacted to the fact that she wanted me to pray that they would get more calls from pregnant girls and it seemed to me like I was praying for a girl to get pregnant so I could have her baby! I really laughed. That isn't what she meant at all. She meant, not in so many words, that we should pray that pregnant women who don't want to parent, or can't parent her baby, will chose adoption over abortion, and would call them. That's the prayer. I don't want to cause additional people to accidentally get pregnant just so I can adopt a baby, but I would consider it a blessing for a woman to choose me to parent her child instead of visiting an abortion clinic. It tickled me, that's all.

I had been feeling all week that something was going to happen, and I don't know where the feeling came from, since now it seems so wrong. I was way off, thinking that we were going to be chosen, when they are in the middle of a lull in regards to birthmothers. And who really knows what will happen, but it seems that we will be waiting longer.

So, if you will, join us in prayer for birthmoms, that they can make good choices and give their unwanted babies homes in the arms of loving couples who long to be a family. Pray specifically for New Life Christian Adoptions if you would, and pray that Kelly and LeighAnn will be God's instruments of peace for these women.

Thanks.

Fridays

Not much to say at this point. We're just waiting and believing that He knows the timing better than we do.

It's funny though...last time we found out we were matched, I got the news on a Friday. And now, EVERY Friday, I think it's going to happen again. Just because it happened on a Friday last time doesn't mean it will happen that way again. Weird how our mind makes us think about things that way.

Really. I really don't have much to talk about. Check in on Mommy and the Wombles (on my sidebar) and pray for them as they adjust to adopting a little girl from China.

dreaming of babies

Last night I dreamed of babies. Little girl babies. Somehow, in my heart, I think our baby will be a girl, when we are finally matched and an adoption goes through. I don't know why, that's just how I feel. If we do adopt a boy baby, I am sure I will be just as excited, for the record! Any baby will work his/her way into my heart.

This morning was rough, though. All through church I kept thinking about the baby that was almost mine, and how I hoped she was doing okay. I pray that she is warm and safe and happy and loved. Charlie reminded me that our birthmother had been a great mom to her other two children and was most likely doing a great job with this baby, too. It is a small comfort. I walk past our nursery and I think about how I was supposed to sit in that rocker and rock her to sleep. I think about the clothes in the closet and the diaper bag, ready to go. It isn't easy.

I know that the reality is, when we are matched with a new birthmother and baby, all this will fade into the background. And while I may never completely let go of this little girl, I will be caught up in mothering the child in my arms. That makes perfect sense. But while I'm stuck here in this waiting place, I think about that baby and pray for her.

I have been keeping up with several other women who are in this waiting place and with others who have already adopted children. Mommy Womble is still in China, picking up her daughter, and those posts have made me cry, over and over. The Womble Times is on my sidebar, so check it out and cry along with me. You'll be ooohing and ahhhing and praying for the Wombles as they travel home.

Pray for us, please! We'll take what we can get.

my annual visit

Today I had my annual visit to the OBGYN. Last year at this time, we were still trying to get pregnant, and so the doctor wondered why they hadn't heard from me in months. When I was taking Clomid and Metformin and charting my temperatures and going in for blood tests, I saw them all the time. But after we made the decision in October to persue adoption and stop all fertility treatments, I didn't really tell them. We just moved forward with all of our paperwork and I stopped taking the drugs.

Let me just say, that I really like my doctor. She experienced some infertility herself and even began the adoption process before getting pregnant, so she knows how I feel. We had a really good talk about the failed placement in May, and how I felt about going back on birth control to help regulate my hormone levels. We cried and laughed and talked and I felt much better.

The point is to say that this year has been filled with many things. So many emotions are involved in trying to get pregnant, and others are involved in failing to get pregnant. Completely different emotions are wrapped up in doing the adoption paperwork and having the homestudy visit. Elation when you get the phone call that you've been chosen. Fear that it will all fall apart. Heartbreak that it does fall apart. It's a rollercoaster.

But I told her that it's easier for me to know which path I'm on. I don't want to wonder if I can get pregnant while waiting for another birthmother to choose us. For my piece of mind, I like knowing I'm waiting for an adoption. Not wondering about my body.

Waiting certainly isn't easy. I can admit that and I have on several occasions. But she reminded me that one day when I have my child, I will look back and know that he/she was the one meant for me. It's nice that she could believe with me.

get me through it

There really isn't any news to report, but I did talk to our adoption agency today. I like to call and check in every once in awhile, just to let them know how we are. Kelly, our agency rep, is totally wonderful and awesome. She has a gift for talking me through my little emotional times, when I miss the baby so badly. This summer has been a healing time, but going back to school has resurrected some of my emotions. People have been asking if there is news, and one mom asked me how the baby was doing. Bless her, she didn't know, and she felt HORRIBLE, but it was just another reminder that everything fell apart.

Kelly talked me through what I was feeling, letting me know that others are waiting, too. And when our day comes, it will be wonderful and worth waiting for. Right now all I can see is the season I'm sitting in, not what will come later.

It's hard to be patient. When we had all the paperwork to do, I felt like things were moving forward, step by step, but now there isn't anything to do but wait. I have nothing to accomplish, nothing to check off my list, nothing to do but wait.

SO many people are praying for us and I am so grateful. I need it. I want to be able to handle the waiting gracefully, and treasure the time that Charlie and I have together. Keep us in your prayers, please.

our profile page

If you wanted to see our profile page and birthmother letter, click here. This is our adoption agency website (we LOOOOVE them) and we are listed in the "waiting families" section, about halfway down.

Read all about us!