spring situation update

If you've ever visited Greensboro during the spring, you know that it is full of blooms. Everywhere you look different colors catch your eye, from the dogwoods to the azaleas to the daffodils and the tulips. It's a challenge to those with allergies, and my car was dusted yellow from the pollen last week, but the rain washed it off.

Over the weekend I wandered around the yard with my camera, taking pictures. I even climbed a ladder that my husband had outside to take pictures of the dogwood tree blossoms from the top. The ivy in my yard makes me supremely happy, twisting and turning, catching the raindrops and making my yard sparkle. People complain that ivy takes over, but I love the way it quietly reaches out, with little faces that turn up to the sun.

Our mostly ugly backyard has one bright spot... dogwoods. There are four small dogwoods in a bed near out patio and create the only piece of beauty back there. I have taken pictures of them in every season and each time I find something to catch my eye.

This is one of my ladder photos. I was careful, I promise. The colors turned out really well and I like the composition. I did tweak it a little bit on picnik, which is such a fabulous website that allows you to edit your photos and then save them on your computer. My husband keeps telling me that I should learn photoshop, and I have, but that program is designed for serious people, and picnik is really just more fun. I can't help it.

Anyway, other than these photos, and the book fair going on at school, life has been calm this week.

Last week, however...

I mentioned weeks ago that there was a potential adoption situation that I was interested in online. There was a posting on this adoption website that I visit about a teenage girl due with a baby girl in June and the cost was reasonable. It was right up our alley, in accordance with cost, race, and gender. Now, I don't have to have a daughter, but we do have mostly girl stuff at this point. In talking with my husband about it, and he was a go. To register with the site we needed to send in a copy of our home study and several copies of our profile book.

The next day I copied the home study. I made two copies.

Charlie needed to print out the profile books, since he has the color laser printer at work. He needed to tweak a couple of things on the pages that I created in photoshop (see, I use it!) and then print it out.

I wanted it done ASAP. PDQ. Right now.

He didn't understand that I wanted to submit for that situation. Somehow we got our wires crossed. He thought that there was no way we could even be considered for that situation, even if we got our stuff in quickly and that there wasn't any hurry.

About two weeks later, I asked him about it. I didn't want to be a nag, so I asked him when he planned on doing it, and he had it on his agenda. Okay.

Not.

Then Easter came along, with lots of work for Charlie. Then we had one night when the power went out, thus making computer work impossible. The next night Charlie had a migraine and was throwing up. Something came up each night until I had to step in and tell him that our month deadline was almost up.

So he worked on it all day last Wednesday, getting frustrated with my limited photoshop skills and got it printed out. He wanted me to come to his job after school, get it, and take it to the post office. This was at 4pm. But I needed to go home to get the home study, then run to the bank for the check, then go get the stuff from him and get to the post office...all in an hour. Not happening. I checked my old emails and found out we had more time than I thought, so I wasn't going to have to do it that day, but would take it the next day.

So the next morning I went to the bank ATM to grab money for the money order, only the drive up ATM wouldn't give me cash, but only told me that after I entered my pin number and pressed withdrawal and entered my amount. Argh. Luckily, that bank also has a walk up ATM also, so I was able to get my money.

After school I went to Walmart to get the money order and some report covers to put the profiles in and while there I called the agency to let them know the package would be coming. I had already labeled the box and had it in the car, all ready, but if I wanted her to sign for it, it would need to go to the street address, not the PO Box. Argh, times two. So I dig around in my purse while standing in the stationary aisle and find a pen and write down the new address for my already labeled box. Foresight had prompted me to bring tape and scissors to tape up the box, but I had no marker. So I bought a Sharpie with my report covers and my page protectors.

Then I went to the Customer Service counter and bought my money order. I drove over to the UPS store, since Charlie did not want me to use the postal service since he likes UPS' tracking system and we were mailing money. I sat in the car and put together my profile booklets, relabeled the box, included the money order and a hastily scrawled note then taped it up and took it in the store.

The street address did not exist. I am not kidding. Somehow I heard the woman wrong and the street I thought she said did not come up on the computer. It was after 5 pm and I could not reach the agency, and UPS does not have the internet so I could look it up. I called Charlie, but he was nowhere near a computer.

So I took my package home.

I was able to look up the address and label it appropriately, then Charlie mailed it the next day. I called again and let them know it was on the way, and the lady told me that she allows for some grace with the deadline. Good to know.

I got an email today telling me that our paperwork had been received and that we were now able to be considered for any situations that come along. Sadly, the situation I was initially interested in is no longer available. Charlie did apologize for the fact that he procrastinated and I appreciated that, since it was not my fault. I was disappointed to be sure, but this agency gets lots of birth mothers through, so I am still happy we are registered with them.

And that is the story of the aforementioned situation.

a maybe situation

I want to be wearing these, but the weather is not quite there yet. My toes aren't ready yet either! I usually start March with a pedicure, with a gift card given to me my husband on Valentine's Day. But this Valentine's Day, I got the new pots and pans and so I didn't get the pedicure gift card. I really need one, but haven't budgeted the money to do it yet, and I'm very bad at painting them myself.

In other news, I saw an adoption situation online and it sounded like a good fit, so I sent in the registration form that is required in order to be presented to the birth mother. It isn't immediate, since once they receive the form you then have to send in your homestudy, and five copies of your birth mother letter before they will present you. It might be too late for the current situation we are interested in, but this agency regularly updates its situation lists.

My husband asked me why I hadn't registered with them before and I told him that for a couple of months I was really antsy and anxious about the adoption wait, and hadn't wanted to talk with him about it. It seems silly now, but I needed to calm myself down, otherwise I would have been calling and talking to agencies all over the place, getting my hopes up and being let down.

Nothing may come of this, but keep us in your prayers that this referral/adoption agency will see something in us and want to work with us! I would hope that we can at least continue to get our profiles out there and noticed by more birth mothers.

Maybe my flipflops days will be coming soon. It's raining now, and chilly, but someday the sun will come out, my toes will be painted and I'll be sitting on my back patio reading a book. Heaven.

your perspectives were interesting

I thought your opinions on the whole bipolar thing were interesting (if you're curious, see the previous post below.) Most of you said that it would not matter to you, but that it was a personal decision. My friend Tonya, especially, know that anything can happen once you bring a child home, even one that's your biological child.

My own personal experience is from school. We have a set of boy/girl twins here and the girl is bipolar. In k, 1st and 2nd grade she was almost impossible to handle. The school finally stepped in and now the student has a full time aide with her. All day. Helping correct her behavior and helping her make the right choices. It's not an easy job. This is what I think of when I think of bipolar. That made me pause.

But, that all being said, the fees were just too high for us, so I never indicated any more interest to the facilitator than the first email, trusting God that she would contact me if she thought we could be right for them. After checking the adoptlink grid today, I see that two sets of parents have applied to have their profiles shown. Maybe God just wanted me to pray for them. I may never know.

Thanks for your perspectives, though. It was interesting to see what people said about the situation. I felt much better about the possibility of raising them, and intervening early if need be. Hopefully one of these other two couples will get chosen and love these babies to pieces. If not, the facilitator knows where I am, I guess.

I also signed up for a adoption network board, but I don't expect much to come from it. I don't know that I would be able to really believe a girl on there who was looking for adoptive parents. I guess if someone did contact me, I would refer them to our agency to have them checked out. Again, I'd love to hear your thoughts on these forums.

give me your opinion, please!

So I asked you a couple of days ago if you knew anything about adoptlink facilitator services. Well, no one really knew anything or had used their services, but I wanted to update you on what I found out recently. What you should know is that adoptlink is an adoption facilitator out in California and she has a very well organized chart of adoption situations from all over the place. She charges $4800 for her services plus posts the amount that the adoption agency will be charging for the adoption. KT mentioned that there wasn't a ton of information posted on their chart, just the basics like sex of the baby, race, the due date and the date the case was presented to the facilitator. You can see the chart here.

The situation I was interested in was with the birth mother Arthene, who is due to have a set of boy/girl twins in March. They are a Caucasian, Asian and Hispanic mix and the fees are somewhere in the neighborhood of $35,000 plus the travel/lodging and finalizing the adoption here in NC. Not too bad I guess for twins. The case originally had a notation that said WEST COAST adoptive parents only. Fine. That eliminates us. The chart also lists the names (in code) of various parents that have applied to have their profiles shown to the birth parents, but this case has no names listed. I kept thinking that was strange since the adoption costs for the twins is not much more than some of the other adoptions for single births they have listed. But recently the notation was changed from WEST COAST to USA ONLY. Now I could realistically ask something.

I kept coming back to this situation. I don't know why. Something about it intrigued me, I guess. There are so many people around me who have twins (my SIL, my friend Emily, my friend Tara and my friend Ashley) so I'm not really afraid to adopt twins. Plus, even though the expense would be great, it would be one adoption and our family would be complete. I wouldn't have to go through this waiting and adoption process again. Those are practical reasons, but something keeps pulling me back to look at this chart, even knowing the cost is not realistic for us.

So I finally emailed the facilitator Lil about the situation, asking for more information and if the fees were flexible at all. She responded with a basic email informing me of the specific costs involved and sent me more specific information on the birth parents. I think the reason that people may not have applied to adopt these children is the mother's health. She states that she is bi-polar although Lil notes on the form that this has not been documented and she does not take medication for it. Immediately, I remember thinking that bi-polar is hereditary and I read a little bit about it on Wikipedia and they say the most researchers believe that our genes play a major role in being diagnosed bi-polar.

Would that scare you? I can admit that it gave me pause.

Ultimately, the cost is what stopped me from emailing back and asking if she could show our profile. Knowing what we have budgeted for our adoption and knowing that this would cost $40K plus just puts it outside what we can afford. Way outside what we can afford without major help.

And yet I keep going back to the chart and the information Lil sent me. Other than the bi-polar thing, the health of the parents is excellent (Lil sent me their health forms written in their own handwriting, both mother and father with identifying information blocked out.) Overall the situation would be perfect timing with the babies due in March. I talk about these babies to friends of mine, thinking that maybe I could pass on the situation to someone who could afford it.

Last night I just prayed: Lord, if these babies are supposed to be mine, you'll make it happen. If I'm thinking about these babies for some reason, I can at least pray for them. If you know that Charlie and I are supposed to parent these babies, then you'll take care of the cost, the travel, the time away from work, and everything else. I will trust that you know who my children will be. If these babies are on my mind because they need prayer, I can pray that the right parents come across this site.

Maybe their parents are someone reading my blog. Maybe their parents are someone that you know, waiting for a perfect situation. Who knows?

Maybe these babies are supposed to come to NC. If so, then God will handle it.

But, let me ask you, would the bi-polar thing scare you? All you adoptive parents out there...would that stop you from going forward. Be honest, please. Especially those of you who have already adopted children, what would you think about this situation? God can handle that, too, I know.