notes from the unemployed

If one can walk down a path, not knowing where to go, but following the path with complete trust that it will end somewhere wonderful...that's where I am.

I have gone on two interviews, but not received either job. Well, technically three interviews, but I withdrew my application from one job because it just didn't feel right. But I really wanted one of the other two, and the other one sounded good, too.

It's a little bit of a crisis of self confidence, too. I am completely and totally qualified for the jobs I interviewed for, but they chose someone else. I've always been a great employee. I work hard, I show up on time, I'm pleasant to work with...but it's a bad economy and there are a lot of people out there looking for work. I feel so unwanted, and I've typed that before.

And, I've also said before that there is more to the story. And there is. And I can't say right now. I've always shared so much on this blog, but about this, I can't. Things I've posted about my job have come back to haunt me.

Funnily enough, I've never watched much Sex and the City. I honestly didn't get it before. We don't get HBO, but we have Netflix, so I had the movie sent to me. Is it ridiculous that I think it is wonderful? I mean, the friendship portrayed there is something we all aspire to, right? Four women, in NYC, living and writing and loving and wearing fabulous clothes. I fell in love with NYC last summer, and am now falling in love with this show. What I'm coming to realize is that it wasn't about me before, when I was 22. It's more about who I am now, in my 30s. Not that I agree with any of the promiscuity or swearing, but I find that the emotions are real. And in my sad state of affairs, I empathize with poor jilted Carrie. I have a broken job heart. If only I could fly off to Mexico like they do to relax and heal.

I'm praying that the Lord will lead me to the place he wants me to be, to work, to share who I am. I'm praying that he gives me peace while I find it. I feel this clawing desperation inside to have a career and bring home the bacon, and it's not desperate. We're not in that situation. We have savings and I'm still at Michaels and Charlie is still employed.

So, that's the update from this corner of North Carolina.

Oh, and here's something random: I keep calling Charlie to tell him all this bad news. I tend to get these emails in the middle of the day. Ones from my old principal, the emails from the principals turning me down, the call from HR letting me go...they all come in the middle of the day. So I call him and let him know. I told him today that at some point I would hopefully be calling to tell him something good.

What are your thoughts? Give me the good, bad and the ugly.

under a cloud

All I can ask for is prayer right now. This job situation is bad. I'm now officially done at my old school. Well, I have to pick up a few belongings, but the decision has been made.

But I don't know the future and can't see what's coming. I think the Lord has plans, but I don't know what they are yet.

There isn't much else to say. I'll provide more details later, when I am more settled about the situation.

Sigh. Pioneer Woman's Mystery Mocha cake tonight. Yum.

the financial freak out

A nice photo to bring up the mood before I bring the mood down.


So I keep applying for jobs and sending out my resume and I went on another interview and now I am waiting for any kind of news.

My current boss may have something to offer me, but doesn't know what that will be. It keeps changing. And getting nastier. The situation just isn't good, but I'm not a girl to leave a job unless I have another one.

My dear, sweet, supportive husband, who has been fantastic about this whole thing, finally had a financial panic attack about the fact that my salary ends in about two weeks. And my health insurance will end August 31st if I don't stay at my current job or find a new one. Let me also just tell you that this is the most fantastic health insurance ever in the whole world. It may not pay for fertility treatments, which I didn't want to do anyway, but it covered everything else.

And, well, I don't know where to go or which way is right.

I pray that the Lord will lead me down the right path and I will be put in the right job.

I'll keep you posted.

a precription for the blues

I applied for a job. I interviewed for this job. It sounded like the perfect job for me and I sounded perfect for it.

I did not get it.

I got a sad form letter from them today.

Sigh.

Now I am scrambling looking for another teaching job or any school job and it is August and school starts in three weeks or so and ugh.

Chocolate and the Bachelorette: a prescription for the blues

a party for Charlie

When I asked Charlie what he wanted to do for his birthday, he said that he wanted to have guys over to play Texas Hold 'Em Poker. He sent out a text message to a whole bunch of guys and 12 of them said they would come! It was quite the party!

We got munchies and a cake and sodas and the guys all showed up and had a great time. While they don't actually bet money, they have a good time and Charlie really enjoyed himself.

I hung out in the back bedroom and watched HGTV and Say Yes to the Dress, and occasionally popped out to take pictures. They played until about 10:30 or so and then they sat around and talked about fantasy football.

He said that this is what he wants to do every year from now on, which I guess means that I won't have to be planning any big family birthday parties for him from now on. Just chips and soda and a cake and I'm done. Yay! And I think he had more fun than when I threw him a big party for one of his birthdays a couple of years ago.

And, he did find a Yankees poster that he wants to hang up in his office, so although I didn't get the right one to begin with, he did end up with something he wanted. So, wife isn't that bad, after all.

garlic oil experiment

Have you ever made Pioneer Woman's croutons? Or any kind of homemade crouton? I have only made them a couple of times, and always in a frying pan. I know you can make them in the oven, but she recommends a frying pan. They are fabulous. Totally fabulous. I don't think I ever want to eat store bought croutons after tasting the homemade version.

Anyway, the recipe calls for garlic oil. In PW's recipe, she uses a food processor to mash the garlic together with the oil and then strains the garlic pieces out with a strainer. I've done this several times, but I only have a small food processor and it is a pain to clean it each time. So I had an idea today. My olive oil bottle was low, and I was going to get a new bottle, so I thought "what if I put some garlic cloves in the bottle and add more oil?" Then I could let it steep and voila: garlic oil!

Here you can see how much oil I chose to make and the brand of oil I had on hand.

I slightly smashed the garlic cloves after peeling them, and I don't know how many garlic cloves I used. Six or seven, maybe.

The bottle, luckily, had a plastic pour spout that could pop out and made it easy to slide the garlic cloves inside.

Now, this is totally an experiment and it may fail horribly, but I think/hope it will be awesome and make my crouton making days so much easier.

Anybody out there ever make a flavored oil? Just curious.

bad wife story

Someone's birthday is coming up on Friday. Can you guess who?

I messed up on his present. He very specifically told me what he wanted, but I didn't have the money to get it right then, and then it sold out. Bad wife.

But, I will NOT try to make his cake, like these cupcake disasters my mom and I attempted at Easter. Plus, he only wants the Red Velvet cake that his mom makes and I am not competing with that. Not at all!

Anyway, I had a moment the other day where I realized he was going to be 36 and that's really close to 40 and when did we get anywhere near 40 and we don't have kids yet and oh my we're going to be old parents and I don't really feel old but the time keeps passing and oh my.

Yes, I had that break down. For a few moments.

But, Happy Birthday on Friday to my sweet, sweet Charlie. Now I am going to go to the grocery store and getting ingredients to make Pioneer Woman's Mystery Mocha cake with whipped cream and eat that later! And a birthday card to buy. And some kind of present to conjure up out of thin air. I can do it, right?