not much to say, but I'm saying it anyway

Our agency rep called yesterday and said the birthfather is supposed to come in today (thur) to sign his papers. I pray that he actually shows up and does sign; that would be an answer to some serious prayer. We are also supposed to get another update from Vanessa, since she went to the doctor on Wednesday. Her due date is next Wednesday, but she said her first two babies were late, so I am interested to see what her progress is this week.

We have gone ahead and planned a "Welcome Home Baby" Shower for June 27th and we invited so many family and friends. Charlie did the invitations and they were really cute...lots of pink and green. I am nervous about that, of course, because I would hate to cancel.

For those who want to know, we are registered at Target and Babies R Us.

For others who might want to help out with our adoption costs (yes, we are still raising money) there are details on the sidebar. It's a tax free donation if you follow the directions.

I will post more later when I get some more information. Until then, keep up those prayers.

and now, we wait

This week has been slow compared to last week. We received an update from the birthmom when she went to the doctor for a check-up (everything looks good, heartbeat strong, 38 weeks and not yet dialated.) But, otherwise, not much is happening. I am back at work from spring break and that is helping to keep me busy.

Now, we wait.

And I know this won't be the hardest waiting we do. I am not looking forward to the legal-risk week that we have to wait out before we bring baby girl home. Not at all. That week between the birth of the baby and the placement day are going to be torturous and long. I know that each time the phone rings I will be expecting the worst.

I am not looking forward to it.

Why is it that waiting is always so hard? I thought that waiting to get pregnant was bad. I thought that filling out the forms and waiting to be chosen by a birthmom was bad, and we didn't even have to wait that long. Now I look back and think those seasons were easy compared to this. The room is ready, but I am not in control. I don't have my body cueing me on when the baby will be born. I have to settle for phone calls from the agency with tidbits of information and sweat out this time.

I know it will break my heart should this baby not come home to my house.

And I also would completely understand if she chose to keep her baby.

I see both sides. Adoption is a gift, pure and simple. A blessing. Without which I might never have children. But I would understand it if she looked at that baby in the hospital and said "she's part of me and I am taking her home."

This season is one of the major differences in domestic and international adoption. In international adoption, the majority of babies are orphans, abandoned to orphanages either by their parents or due to the loss of their parents. A baby is assigned to you and that is the baby you go get. I'm not saying that international adoptions don't fall through, because they do. Laws change and wait times change and the wait can be a lot longer. We did our research and have several friends that adopted internationally, but the birthmom is not usually a factor. And while it really is a benefit that we have met her and have information from her that we can share with our child, she is still a factor. It is up in the air until those seven days expire and there isn't anything I can do about it.

Well, I can trust that God has a plan for me.

Several friends have told me that they have perfect peace about our adoption. And I wish God had given that peace to me. I wish I could just lay it in His hands and let it go. I need to trust that He will pick me back up if this should fall apart.

I know I haven't really shared much info in the above paragraphs, but I am sharing what is on my heart. If baby girl is born on her due date, then there is a week and half left, then another week after that until she comes home. And that seems like such a long time. In reality, I know it will fly by, but, until we actually drive away from the agency with her in the carseat, I may not actually believe it.

Two and a half weeks. I can do it, right?

meeting our birthmother

On Wednesday morning, Charlie and I headed out in the car to meet our birthmother. We had to drive about two hours and we were to meet her and our agency rep, Kelly, at a Ruby Tuesday's off the interstate.

We were nervous.

We were excited.

We had no idea what to say or what we should talk about. What do you say to a woman who will be giving you her baby? I mean, it's a huge gift, and it's impossible to convey every emotion I am feeling in one two hour lunch. We didn't want to overwhelm her or ask too many questions. We wanted her to feel free to ask what she needed to know about us.

We stopped and got her some flowers.

My heart about stopped when we pulled up in the parking lot of the restaurant. I felt so clammy and unsure, but Charlie grabbed my hand and we went in. We found the table easily and there was Kelly with the birthmom (and I don't really think I should share her name, but calling her birthmom seems so impersonal, so let's call her Vanessa.) Vanessa was shorter than us with wavy hair and a really pretty smile. She was dressed simply and given that she is 8 months pregnant, looked really great. I couldn't really tell from just sitting across the table from her that she was pregnant. She stood up later to go to the restroom, and then I actually saw her stomach!

Charlie asked if she liked sports. I was totally prepared for her to say, "um, not really," but she surprised me by saying she loved football. Well, that was the right thing to say to Charlie, since he is the Commish of his fantasy football league and they talked teams and players and hit it off. That really set the tone for the lunch and we were able to keep the conversation going from there. There were some serious moments and some funny moments, but all in all I think she got a really good feel for us and who we are.

We learned about her family and life and where she was from and what her parents did. She lost her dad when she was younger too, so I could relate to that. We talked about all sorts of things and when it was time to go, we posed for some pictures with her. Vanessa told us that she was glad she had chosen to meet with us because it helped her feel more comfortable.

We left that meeting feeling good. Adoption is a blessing, and we feel totally and completely in awe of what Vanessa is doing in helping us create a family. She will forever be part of our lives, even if we never actually see her again.

You know, adoption has really come a long way in the past 30 years. It used to be that adoptions were these hushed up things...families were embarrassed that they couldn't have kids and girls who got "in trouble" were shipped off to homes to have their babies in secret. But what people have learned over the years is that it is better for all parties if more information is shared, if the child knows where she comes from, if they can understand why the choices were made. I think this meeting will help us go a long way to answering those questions should our daughter ask one day.

There were tears, of course. Not too many, but a few. There were hugs at the end, and Vanessa waved as she drove away. We stayed for a few minutes and talked with Kelly and then we went on back our way home.

It was a good day.

nerves, nerves, and more nerves

We don't have any word yet on the birthfather. Just wanted to post an update for you loyal readers.

We go tomorrow to meet the birthmother and I can tell you that I am nervous about that, but excited too. Prayers all around that it will go well and she will feel settled in us. I want her to leave feeling confident that we will love her baby.

Thanks!

a good thing to pray about

Today I received what I thought was a very frightening phone call. It started like this: "Sissy, this is Kelly (at the adoption agency.) I wanted to talk with you about something that happened. (Heart pounding, here.) The birthfather called. (Insert panic here.) And then my cell phone went all screwy and I couldn't hear her and so I had to tell her I would call her back from Charlie's cell and meanwhile I was starting to get panicked and I could feel the tears coming cause I knew she was going to say that he wanted custody and there went my baby girl.

But no.

Once I got her back on the phone, she started telling me that he called and wanted to sign a relinquishment form. Hallelujah and Amen. If he signs this form now, then there will be less required legally later. He told her that he would be in touch with her on Monday to see about coming in and signing. I think he had been on board in the beginning (to place the baby for adoption) but he and the birthmother had a fight and they haven't been speaking.

So, include us in your prayers this weekend that he will feel peace in signing this form. Let God touch him and show him that we already love this little girl and are making a place for her in our home. I know it's a holiday weekend, but if you all could just squeeze me in and offer up these prayers, I would be so thankful.

Hopefully, I will have good news to share early next week. We do go and meet the birthmom on Wednesday, so I am nervous about that, but I know that it is something that needs to be done. She needs to feel the love, too.

Share the love, folks, and Happy Easter!

panic is setting in...

Things are moving fast. Since Friday night we have cleaned out the nursery, bought a few clothes, announced our good news to the world and been trying to get the rest of the house ready to bring a baby home.

I'm a little panicked. There is so much left to be done and a limited time to get it done. And that's if the baby doesn't come early. Oh dear, if the baby comes early, it's not going to be pretty.

And of course we're worried about the cost. Adoption is expensive and we knew what it would cost going in, but we weren't prepared for it to happen this soon. We have been saving and working hard to get it all together. We have had some donations made to our account, which has been such a blessing! Thank you, if you are one of those dear friends.

Right now all I'm asking for is your prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. Lots and lots of prayers to help us figure it out. WE are going to bring her home. I am going to trust God that He'll work it out. He's blessed us this far with a match sooner than we ever imagined, so I need to trust that it will be perfect, that I can get some rest and get ready for her.

Prayers. People please. Here me on this one and get on your knees. This economy is rough, and money isn't falling out of the thin air, but I have faith that He will come through. But a little added prayer wouldn't hurt.

Thanks a bunch.

could I possibly have better news?

It happened.

On Friday.

We were chosen.

That sounds so weird to me. We were chosen! But we were and have been matched with a birthmom and baby and I can't even wrap my mind around it. Oh my. Breathe.

Let me back up and tell the story correctly.

I took my lunch break around 12:45 and got back to my desk a little before 1:30. I checked my cell phone and I had a message from Kelly at our adoption agency saying "I have a few questions for you, give me a call if you can."

I called.

Kelly filled me in on a few things: someone had donated a check for us, they had received most of our paperwork, they were waiting for clearance from the child molester registry, oh and she met with a birthmother that morning and she had selected us for her baby!

Way to just slip that right in!

I think I said, "that's cool." My mind was blank. It was completely empty. I was frozen to my chair as I listened to her say that the baby would be born in May and it is a little girl.

In MAY. Did you hear that, people? In May! In like, four weeks from now, and that's if she doesn't go early. Wow. In May.

Um, wow.

Now, there are a million things to do. We have to finish up some paperwork and get our ducks in a row. We need baby things. We need a name. We need prayer, cause, remember, this is an adoption and anything can happen.

Whoa, pinch me.

Let me just take a moment and thank my Savior, who has watched over this baby and is placing her in my hands. Let's take a moment and thank this birthmom, who could have made a very different choice. Let's thank our adoption agency for doing what they do everyday.

Now, proceed to do the happy dance.

Oh, and start sending me your hand-me-downs. I'm gonna need em!