Monday, February 28, 2011

waiting for the sun

There are days when a prospective adoptive parent just feels discouraged. Like today. When it has been more than two years and you are still waiting and the last adoption situation you inquired about was $46, 250 (waaaaaayyyyy out of reach.)

Discouraged. Of course, it doesn't help that it was pouring down rain today, which doesn't add to anyone's good mood. Rain, go away.

Lately I've been feeling more hopeful that our baby is coming soon, and I think I mentioned that we just bought a minivan. It was just fate, I think. I mean, I'd always planned to get one once we had kids, but when the worlds collided and everything worked out perfectly for us to get one now, I was thrilled. It was the right price with the right features and is a lovely silvery-gold color (technically called Silver Pearl Metallic.) And the carseat will fit perfectly and we'll have lots of room. Now just need the baby!

I think I posted in December about some kids from our church that we were spending time with, and lest you think we are adopting them, let me update you. We have pulled back a little bit. We pitched in and gave them some time and love and support, but God has firmly told us NO about adopting them. I constantly carried a uncomfortable-ness in the pit of my stomach when considering that option, and I was never given peace about it. It felt too much like we were trying to force something that was not meant to be.

Our church is offering a foster-care licensing class starting next week, and we are signed up. Don't know that we will end up fostering, but I do think that it will be an interesting class.

Well, that is the update from this neck of the woods. Not too much to say. We are updating our profile and have had some interesting things cross our radar, but nothing that has turned out. We keep praying.

Talk to you soon!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

what do you show?

In the fall we updated our home study, but we didn't update our profile book. I finally thought about it the other day and called the agency and talked to our social worker about it. She agreed that we should update the book, to include any changes that have happened in the past two years.

Well, certainly. Much has changed. The twins and Harrison were just babies when we applied to the agency. I was teaching library. The family has grown and we've made so many new memories, and I've taken thousands of pictures.

But, how do you know what to include? What would you include?


How do you know what a birth mother needs to see in order for her to feel comfortable choosing you to raise her child? What will help her decide if you are the ones?

Before, our agency said the our book shows well and that they would tell us if mothers made comments about it, or make suggestions on what we should edit. But, I'd love opinions from you all out there, as well. I know we aren't supposed to include things that could allow the mothers to place where we work, live, and hang out.

And, doesn't it seem like we get all excited about a possible situation, only to have it just fizzle out? You know, you get this email, or a phone call and you ask for all the details and the fees. Then, typically, you have a hurried conversation with your husband, and then either agree to have your profile shown or not. Then you say, OK. Then you wait. And wait. And you think about baby names and traveling to get there and should you share the possibility with people or not? And there isn't any information forthcoming from the people in the know, or in the case of our referral agency, she can't get any information from the agency who was reaching out for more adoptive parents.

Then, nothing. They choose someone else and all the hurry up is suddenly over. All the imagining and wondering and excitement is over until it happens again.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

there is no news (UPDATE)

Update: We got word today that the situation we submitted ourselves for (an unknown gender baby due in May) was matched with another family. There is still one "maybe" out there, so we'll see what happens. And, in a random twist, we ended up buying a minivan last week because my husband's car is on the way out and we came across a steal of a deal. So, now I am all ready with a carseat, a diaper bag, a crib, and a minivan. All we need is the baby!

One of the presents I got for Christmas was this awesome diamond (fake) ring from my husband. While it isn't any everyday ring by any means, it was great for a wedding we recently attended. I received many compliments from other ladies at the reception and I ended up staring at it for a while.

I set up my tripod when I got home and took this lovely and oh-so-stylish photo of the ring. And my giant hand. And the intensely bright sunlight.

But I love it.

In other news, there is no news. We haven't heard anything about the situation we submitted our booklet for and in the other situation, the two weeks should be up soon and maybe we'll hear something about the 8 month old. I talked to the referral woman today and I asked her how long they typically give the birth mothers to make a decision about adoptive parents. She said that they won't rush anyone and I totally agree with that, but I want to know about her choice! Even if it isn't us, I want to know!

So, keep praying for us. Keep praying for us! Please!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

eat, pray, sleep

Some people run on five to six hours of sleep a night. This would describe my husband pretty well, although he usually does get an hour while we watch tv a night, since he tends to fall asleep on the couch a lot. But, that amount of sleep seems to work for him. It would not work for me.

I can't function when I don't sleep.

I get sick when I don't sleep.

I cry when I don't sleep.

When I took a group of 14 high school girls to Italy and we had late nights and early mornings and I was the person responsible for them, there was a moment in the middle of the trip where I had a mini-meltdown. I sat by a fountain at the bottom of the Spanish Steps in Rome and drank a bottle of water and cried.

This is not my picture, of course, but picture me sitting on the ceramic ring that surrounds the fountain.

I sat there, with a book that I bought in the foreign language of the Italian bookstore, and had myself a little cry. We went back to the hotel and I went to bed early. The extra sleep helped. I was in the most beautiful place on earth and I was so tired.

This weekend I attended the figure skating championships that were here in Greensboro and it meant two late nights. In between, my husband hosted his fantasy football team here for their celebration and awards and that meant a late night. Plus, waiting to hear about these two situations has stressed me somewhat, and in the middle of all of it we bought a car, since my husband's needed more work than it was worth.

So, yeah, the sleep patterns have been messed up.

And then I ate something that didn't agree with me.

And then I got overheated this morning.

Sick. Tears. Emotions and stress.

The good news is that I stayed home today and got some sleep. Hopefully, I will also sleep tonight. That would be great.

The emotions that run through my mind keep me awake. I want to shut them up. I sing myself worship songs and talk to God and lay there. Pray for me please.